The Purpose of Getting Lost by Tracy Smith; Recovery and Self-Discovery Through Travel

 

The Purpose of Getting Lost by Tracy Smith; Recovery and Self-Discovery Through Travel

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: Tracy Smith's The Purpose of Getting Lost is a detailed and introspective memoir about Smith discovering herself through travel.

Smith survived a childhood of rejection, and an adulthood of divorce, the departure of her kids, the fading of old friendships, extensive surgery, physical pain, and mental health crises. At age 49, she booked a flight to Iceland and kept on going afterwards to other countries. She didn't consider travel an escape but a “way to stitch (herself) together and pay tributes to the part that (she) had ignored for so long.”

One of the most interesting aspects of the book are the icons that appear before each chapter to reveal what elements Smith explored during that particular part of the trip. They consist of mountains to indicate Adventure, fire for Community, a tornado for Risk, an elephant for Acceptance, a lighthouse for Confidence, and a bird for Freedom. These icons indicate that Smith was not traveling just for fun or just to be a tourist. She intended to challenge herself and explore aspects to her personality that helped her become a more fulfilled person.

Smith’s first trip to Norway and Iceland was a risky endeavor. Since it was largely unplanned, she walked around the terminal trying to figure out where to go, how to use her phone, and how to find a bus to Reykjavik. This reveals that a trip made by impulse often has its drawbacks and sometimes relies on guesswork, patience, and asking people.

Since it was her first couple of days, Smith's primary emotions, uncertainty and exhaustion, marred her first views of Reykjavik. She was looking forward to this journey but was also overwhelmed by the choices, the new surroundings, and anxiety. She recovered enough to go to a nearby bar dressed in Buffalo Bills attire and struck up a conversation with a fellow sports fan. This chance meeting soothed her uncertainty by reminding her that seeing new sights and meeting people are worth the risk of traveling alone. 

Smith’s sense of adventure was tested when she visited Doha, United Arab Emirates during the World Cup. Surrounded by people, Smith felt several anxieties about such things as being kidnapped or getting lost. She silenced her fear by pausing and looking at the people and sights around. Instead of returning to the hotel, she stopped to enjoy herself. This was her trip and her adventure so she reasoned that she might as well make the best of it.

The adventure continued as Smith entered a mosh pit consisting of soccer fans. Caught up in the excitement of the crowd, she joined them cheering, clapping, and celebrating. Some men even lifted her up and pushed her over a gate into a restaurant that she wanted to eat at. This was an experience in facing large crowds and finding a sense of adventure in an unfamiliar place and surrounded by unfamiliar people. While she faced many natural elements and risky tours, the fear of crowds and unknown places can be filled by anyone going on any trip. It is an adventure to face those fears as much as mountain climbing or bungee jumping.

Smith’s solo trips were an experience in acceptance. Before, she often made decisions that involved other people, but this journey was a practice in self-care and reliance. Her trip to Costa Rica with her daughter was a relaxing journey but Smith had to accept that her daughter was growing up and therefore so should she. Her journey to Croatia was much more difficult because it involved a fracturing relationship. Her time in Croatia was cut short because she and her boyfriend broke up. She had to accept that loss and move on.

This relationship and its end left her with a choice to visit a friend in Italy who was going through her own issues and risk hurting her with the pace or go to Portugal alone and allow her friend to heal. She chose Portugal recognizing that her friend needed rest and not the stress of travel and that Smith herself needed some time alone to sort through her troubled relationships. This allowed her to accept herself by herself.

Smith was often a planner and often made itineraries and lists. While that can be good for travel especially in the early stages, it can limit the spontaneity and surprises that come with travel. Smith’s time in Koh Samui, Thailand taught her to enjoy freedom. She viewed a waterfall with a tour group that she stumbled upon and was in awe of the sight that she might have missed if she stuck to a plan. 

Most of that time on the island was spent relaxing and not sight seeing. Smith rested in the hotel, read her Kindle, went swimming, shopped nearby, and observed people around her. The relaxation and freedom of living in the moment was just as important for her as the times where she took tours, participated in adventures, and interacted with others. 

Not all of Smith’s trips were solo adventures. As previously stated, she traveled with her daughter, son, ex, and friends. She also interacted with strangers forming a large global community of friends and family around the world. Traveling to Greece with her friends Stacey and Cheryl illustrated the importance of community especially when traveling. The three friends booked separate rooms, had a loose itinerary, and spent some time by themselves. Ironically, their solo time deepened their connections to each other because they had space to breathe and their time together was much more engaging.

Another journey with her friend Carmen also taught Smith about forming community with others. Carmen introduced her friend to her family in Puerto Rico who accepted Smith as one of their own. She had meals with them, conversed with Carmen’s aunts and uncles, and was embraced by their warmth and hospitality. She arrived as a stranger but left as a surrogate niece and cousin.

Smith’s travels were exercises in persistence and confidence. She endured many hard and difficult journeys such as climbing pyramids, hiking through the jungle, and visiting Machu Picchu. She realized that these dangerous trips were tests of her persistence and ability to survive them. 

Many of her experiences tested her endurance. Once in Belize, her group had to climb 130 steps. Even though she sweated, her legs cramped, and she doubted herself, Smith made the climb. She said that “the climb wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t graceful but it was mine.” This was true confidence in herself and her journey.

Traveling around the world gave Smith several opportunities to encounter new places, meet new people, learn some important lessons, test her strength and endurance, take risks, practice self-care, live in the moment, and ultimately to find herself.

The Forgotten Queer A Journey of Self-Discovery, Breaking Free, and Healing by Stella Mok: Tragic and Triumphant Memoir About Coming Out, Authenticity, and Living Ones Truth

 The Forgotten Queer A Journey of Self-Discovery, Breaking Free, and Healing by Stella Mok: Tragic and Triumphant Memoir About Coming Out, Authenticity, and Living Ones Truth 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Stella Mok’s book The Forgotten Queer: A Journey of Self-Discovery, Breaking Free, and Healing is a tragic and triumphant memoir about coming out, authenticity, and finding the physical and emotional space to live one's truth.

Mok’s writing style is both personal and informative. She summarizes and gives dry fact based accounts like most nonfiction authors and memoirists. But she also uses literary techniques like dialogue and internal thoughts in parts. This dual nature is a means to highlight the most important conflicts and themes within her story.

For example, most of the book is centered around Mok’s troubled relationship with her parents, Leandro and Nora. In the first chapter Mok, her siblings, and her father get into an argument about future plans and Leandro goes into a paragraph long diatribe about how women couldn't be doctors. This exchange is foreshadowed in her opening sentence, “I wish I were a boy.” 

This chapter and various other ones reveal the toxicity between Mok and her parents which went beyond cultural, generational, or gender conflicts. At one point, they use emotional blackmail to keep Mok’s sister tied to their family business. They also used various other means to keep Mok and her siblings under their control. It's a troubling environment that one does not thrive so much as be fortunate enough to survive.

Mok lived in a tight, oppressed, and psychologically abusive atmosphere in which Mok did not only have to suppress her true self, she had to pretend that it never existed to begin with. One where the freedom to be honest with herself was treated as a luxury that she could not afford so it couldn't exist. At one point she realizes this by thinking, “I had to fight for my life, or end up losing what I worked so hard for.”

This fighting for her life also played into Mok’s sexuality and various relationships. An early romance ended because Mok was uncertain about pursuing a full romantic relationship with another girl. She also had a long term relationship with another woman who had trouble reconciling her lesbianism with her religious beliefs.

Throughout the book, Mok used different means to find her own inner strength and personal happiness. Two of the most triumphant moments occur when she wrote letters to her parents dealing with their deficiencies in parenting while also forgiving them and herself. These gestures show someone who is ready to move on into the next step in life. 

This and other actions moved her to a more positive path that led to a new more honest and fulfilling life. She had to break the cycle that her family gave her and heal herself.

In Search of Rain From Motel Qu to Pittsburgh by Syed Nourashrafeddin; Memoir About War, Hardship, Education, Trauma, and Happiness

In Search of Rain From Motel Qu to Pittsburgh by Syed Nourashrafeddin; Memoir About War, Hardship, Education, Trauma, and Happiness

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

 In Search of Rain From Motel Qu to Pittsburgh is Syed Nourashrafeddin’s detailed, emotional, inspirational, moving, and meaningful memoir. It covers topics like war, revolution, addiction, trauma, illness, immigration, and the pursuit of academic and financial success and personal happiness.

Nourashrafeddin’s life began in Iran during a tumultuous time in the country’s history. ’He was five years old during the 1979 revolution. He was too young to remember life before the Revolution and knows it from elder’s memories and documentation. They described that life as joyful and filled with vitality. They could drink and smoke in public. Women were free to pursue career opportunities. Artists and singers expressed themselves without censorship. 

All of that changed when the Ayatollahs stepped in. Nourashrafeddin’s description of a country deprived of everything that they once had like destroyed cinemas and clubs, banned music and art, women completely covered is completely heartbreaking. Even as a child, Nourashrafeddin felt that something wasn't right in a country that deprived its people of so much and used their limited interpretation of the Islamic religion to enforce and justify it.

 It wasn't the religion itself that created it because Islam was Iran’s primary religion before the Revolution. It was because the country was taken over by a sect of religious extremists with a very limited narrow view of what their religion meant and demanded that the people follow it.

Nourashrafeddin also grew up during the Iran-Iraq War and he effectively describes the after effects of a childhood in war. He bluntly describes the War as “a war for nothing.” The places where he and his childhood friends pretended to shoot each other in games were demolished by adults who really did shoot each other.

 His descriptions of a city practically annihilated with destroyed buildings, sounds of explosions and air strikes, food shortages, wounded neighbors, and casualties during a futile and needless war are unsettling.

There was also war brewing at home as well. Nourashrafeddin and his eight siblings were raised by an introverted passive mother and an outdoorsy temperamental father who was addicted to opium and heroin, “a world of smoke and addiction,” as his son wrote. His father’s addiction spiraled out of control as he lost his wife, youth, job, money, and eventually freedom to the disease. 

The conflicts at home and outside during the war showed chaos, anxiety, and trauma on all sides. It would be enough to drive anyone to despair and Nourashrafeddin revealed a lot of inner strength and determination to survive it.

Through education, Nourashrafeddin discovered his passion. Starting out as a lackluster student, he became interested in receiving a letter of recommendation to study mathematics and experimental sciences in high school. His goal was to become a doctor to earn respect, serve his community, and care for his family.

 He succeeded in school all the way to receiving a PhD in Molecular Medicine. He also obtained practical experience working in different fields like the military, administrative work in the Health Department, and worked in various medical and science laboratories, classrooms, departments, and fields.

His tireless pursuit of academic success and commitment to education is revealing, depicting him as someone who asked questions, hypothesized, theorized, researched, read, studied, measured, and shared his results. In other words, someone who was born to be a scientist but needed a slight nudge in that direction. Once he received that nudge, he excelled in the field. 

Nourashrafeddin’s adulthood was as eventful as his youth. Financial problems and overwork contributed to friction in an early marriage that ended in divorce. He was imprisoned after not paying alimony and upon release was temporarily homeless and destitute. He had vitiligo which lightened his skin and isolated him further. 

During that time, he indulged in hobbies like mountaineering and traveling to gain some perspective and a new outlook. He also had a better second marriage, found career success in Genetics, and eventually emigrated to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

This section reveals that during times of difficulty that are out of one's control, it's important to find positive interests and relationships and that clear the mind, soothe the soul, and lead to personal happiness. It's also important to search for and find new directions in life that provide challenges and propel one to move forward.

Nourashrafeddin’s memoir is about a man who lived through much trauma, sadness, happiness, and success. He told his story so Readers can find ways to push past their own traumas and find their own personal success and happiness.

The Tinker and The Witch by G.J. Daily, The Bellfontaine Haunting by Marie Wilkins; The Other Emma by Sharon Gloger Friedman; The Dressing Drink by Thomas King Flagg; The Book of Outcasts by Matt Nagin

 

The Tinker and The Witch A Cozy Fantasy Character Tale by G.J. Daily; The Bellfontaine Haunting by Marie Wilkins; The Other Emma by Sharon Gloger Friedman; The Dressing Drink by Thomas King Flagg; The Book of Outcasts by Matt Nagin 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: A couple of months ago, I have received two new book reviewing clients, MockingOwl Roost and Reader Views. Similar to LitPick, I cannot show the entire review here but I can summarize them with links to the full reviews. So far I am not disappointed with the work or the books that I have read.

 Besides these future reviews will include: 

For MockingOwl Roost:  The Bluestockings A History of The First Women's Movement by Susannah Gibson, Indiana Belle by John A. Heldt, Violeta by Nikki Roman, Jack The Bodiless The Galactic Milieu Trilogy Book 1 by Julian May, and its sequels Diamond Mask and Magnificat. 

For Reader Views: Shut Me Up in Prose by Maithy Vu, Gravity Flow: The Jimmy Whistler Stories by E.M. Schorb, Walk With Me One: Hundred Days of Crazy by Ernesto Lee, and Penthesilea: Ride of The Amazon by Stephanie Vanise.

For MockingOwl Roost:

The Tinker and The Witch: A Cozy Fantasy Character Tale by G.J. Daily 

The Tinker and The Witch: A Cozy Fantasy Character Tale by G.J. Daily is a gentle charming modern fairy tale reminiscent of works like Alice in Wonderland, The Phantom Tollbooth, The Wizard of OZ, and A Wrinkle in Time. It is rich with a beautiful setting, well developed characters, and a plot built on themes of chance and destiny. 

Andrew, a young tinker, is caught in a snowstorm during a routine trade expedition. He finds Lorna, an eccentric witch and town recluse. Andrew senses a connection to her so he searches for his past and answers to questions that haunted him. 

The young readers will enjoy the tropes in this book such as the enchanting setting and fascinating magical characters. The characters are well written, particularly Andrew and Lorna. She facilitates Andrew on his search for self-discovery and identity. He walks down a path of keys, clues, coincidences, fate, and destiny

.  

The Bellfontaine Haunting: A Supernatural Thriller by Marie Wilkins 

The Bellefontaine Haunting by Marie Wilkins is a suspenseful gripping thriller and murder mystery, It is a ghostly tale that reminds readers that sometimes cold cases don’t always close. 

News reporter Kara King returns to her hometown of Bellefontaine, Ohio and reopens The Bellefontaine Ledger, the local paper. In the office, she sees Renee West, the ghost of a former Ledger reporter who went missing and is believed to have been murdered. Kara decides to look for answers. 

The book is both eerie and purposeful. Renee begins as a silent wispy presence that gets more pronounced the more Kara looks for the truth. Kara’s interactions with Renee reveal that she was once a person whose life ended abruptly. It’s up to Kara to find out who ended it and why.  

The Other Emma by Sharon Gloger Friedman 

The Other Emma is another great Historical Fiction novel by Sharon Gloger Friedman, the author of Ashes and In Freedom’s Light. This one focuses on the intricate complex plot which envelops the protagonist. 

In 1880, orphaned Rose Larkin is adopted to become the companion of spoiled wealthy Emma Boyeston. The relationship begins frosty but then changes into a grudging respect between the two strong-willed young women. Unfortunately, bankruptcy, death, and a blizzard alters Rose’s new life leaving her to make some desperate decisions that affect her future. 

The book explores the Gilded Age by focusing on the income disparity between rich and poor. Rose’s former life of poverty and want is completely different from her current life of wealth and ostentation. Emma’s family has wealth, resources, and connections that someone like Rose could never have had. This division leads to a twist halfway through the book that puts Rose’s life in an entirely new direction. 

For Reader Views

The Dressing Drink: An Orphan's Legacy Intertwines Triumph and Tragedy, Revealing The Truth Behind The Glamor-Sip Carefully, One Page At a Time by Thomas King Flagg

The Dressing Drink is a revealing memoir about Thomas King Flagg’s dysfunctional upbringing by his troubled parents, Dorothy Mary Flagg and Irwin Whittridge. Flagg brought his parents to life with detailed descriptions and literary devices.

The majority of the book focuses on Flagg’s parents and the contrast between them. Dorothy had a wealthy upbringing and Irwin a poor one. They both had troubled relationships with their parents, siblings, unhappy early marriages, addiction, and mental health issues that marked their relationship with each other and their son. 

Flagg recognizes his parents as individuals first. He dissects their background and how they became the people that he knew. Their emotional and mental disorders, insecurities, and parenting difficulties become understandable when Flagg and the reader realize where they came from.

 To really understand his parents, Flagg wrote his book as a nonfiction narrative getting their interior points of view and describing events that he would not have known but might have speculated about. This technique helps us understand his family inside and out.

The Book of Outcasts by Matt Nagin 

The Book of Outcasts by Matt Nagin is a strange, satirical, outlandish, farcical and often uncomfortable anthology about people who are considered outsiders. It’s a captivating series of short stories that are impossible to get out of the reader’s mind. 

An unhappily married couple contemplate violence during a vacation. A compulsive gambler goes to extreme measures to feed his addiction. An author is harassed by his alter ego (who shares the same name as the author of this anthology). A game show feeds off of the misery of others and audience dependence on exploitation. These and many more are colorful stories that enter the mind and expose people who are outsiders because of their unusual thoughts, unhealthy obsessions and fixations, society’s rebels and freethinkers, or have severe psychopathic tendencies. 

Nagin has an eye for detailing human weakness. Readers who appreciate unsettling stories about the dark side of human nature will like reading these stories. 

The War on Love: The Origin Story of Love Has Won and the Rise of Mother God by Andrew-Ryan Profaci; A Powerful Memoir About Cults, Deification, and Love of Others and Oneself

 The War on Love: The Origin Story of Love Has Won and The Rise of Mother God by Andrew-Ryan Profaci; A Powerful Memoir About Cults, Deification, and Love of Others and Oneself 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

This review is also on Reedsy Discovery.

The Love Has Won cult is one of the most bizarre cults particularly with how it ended according to Andrew-Ryan Profaci’s expose, The War on Love: The Origin Story of Love Has Won and The Rise of Mother God.

To understand this book is to understand the cult itself, its leader Amy Carlson, its origins and its controversies. Between 2000-2007, Carlson became interested in New Age philosophy and participated in the Lightworker forums. There she met Robert Saltsgiver AKA Amerith WhiteEagle who introduced Carlson to paranormal phenomena and believed that she was divine. In late 2007, Carlson left her third husband, children, and her job as a McDonald’s manager in Dallas, Texas. She ceased contact with her family and left to join WhiteEagle in Colorado to form the Galactic Federation of Light, later known as Love Has Won. 

The Love Has Won cult did daily live streams on Youtube and even though Carlson had 12-20 members living with her in her Crestone,Colorado home at any given time, most of the members were contacted through social media. Their philosophies were an amalgam of New Age practices, elements from Abrahamic religions, conspiracy theories, and popular culture. One of their strongest tenets was the removal of ego to ascend into a pure spiritual being of love and energy. They believed that Carlson was the latest incarnation of a 19 billion year old being who gave birth to all of creation, whose other past lives included the queen of the fabled lost continent of Lemuria, Jesus, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, and Marilyn Monroe and that she would lead people into a mythical 5th Dimension. Carlson was called Mother God and she had a revolving door of lovers, including WhiteEagle (who left in 2014) and Profaci, each of whom took the title of Father God. Carlson believed that she could communicate with a number of deceased celebrities like Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, and Rodney Dangerfield. Love Has Won also spoke of concepts like Atlantis, Anunnaki, and Reptilians. 

While most of their beliefs seem bizarre and outlandish, but mostly harmless, they also developed more hateful and violent rhetoric especially before Carlson’s death in 2021. They were believers in the now debunked QAnon conspiracy theory. A. bitterly ironic conspiracy theory that espoused that Donald Trump led a secret war against pedophiles, considering the recent implications that Trump himself was engaged in pedophilia with disgraced and deceased financier Jeffrey Epstein and his henchwoman Ghislaine Maxwell. Love Has Won also believed other conspiracy theories such as that COVID 19 and the Sandy Hook school shooting massacre were hoaxes, and in 9/11 and Holocaust denials. They followed many racist and antisemitic tenets such as the Great Replacement Theory, globalist cabals, and support for Adolf Hitler.

The cult faced allegations from ex-members citing practices like physical abuse, sleep deprivation and mental torture. Despite having a zero tolerance policy for drugs and alcohol, Carlson was frequently intoxicated and addicted herself. The group travelled between Colorado, Oregon, California, Florida, and Hawaii between 2018-2021. Carlson was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and due to the cult’s caveat against doctors, her worshippers refused to send her to the hospital or get her medical treatment. She was last seen in public on April 10, 2021 and is believed to have died on April 28, 2021.

Carlson’s mummified corpse was discovered in the mission house near Crestone. She was found in a sleeping bag wrapped in Christmas lights and her face was covered in glitter as a makeshift shrine. The state of decay revealed that she had been dead for weeks. Seven members were charged with abuse of a corpse and child abuse because there were two children in the compound. The members revealed that Carlson consumed colloidal silver which the cult promoted as a cure for COVID-19 and resulted in her having an emaciated frame, thinning hair, and blue-gray discoloration on her skin. Her cause of death was reported as “global decline in the setting of alcohol abuse, anorexia, and chronic colloidal silver ingestion.” After her death, remaining cult members separated and formed splinter groups including Joy Rains and 5D Full Disclosure. 

The story of Love Has Won itself is a twisted tale of divine worship, mental manipulation, and belief gone horribly wrong. Profaci’s memoir takes us inside a personal journey into a cult and specifically their leader whom he felt equal parts fascination, fear, love, and loathing.

Profaci lived a life marked by loss and endless searching. A tempestuous divorce and custody battle put him and his brothers in the hands of their father who had a criminal history. Profaci’s nights were as rocked with tension as his days when even as a child he was awakened by hypnopompic hallucinations of dark creatures standing at the foot of his bed. These incidents caused years of sleep disorders and a belief in the paranormal, supernatural, and conspiracy theories. This and his father’s neglect and escalating verbal abuse led to Profaci feeling lost, insecure, and curiosity about the deeper issues like his place in the world.His teenage years were rocked with criminal activity, being almost molested by a pedophile, and getting involved in a fatal car accident. He fell even further down the spiral and became addicted to painkillers. A person facing addiction, trauma, insecurities, depression, is open to ethereal and terrifying paranormal experiences, and searches for existential quests for meaning is a perfect candidate for culthood and Profaci was no exception.

 A search down various spiritual paths, communicating with gurus, reading New Age books, and exploring believer websites, and message boards led him right to Amy Carlson, The Mother God. Profaci was attracted to Carlson’s youthful exuberance, enchanting charisma, mystical beliefs, and the two struck up a correspondence and friendship. He paid for and attended online sessions with Carlson and her group and became aware of signs around him that at the time seemed supernatural. After a job loss, he decided to go see Carlson in person.

Profaci’s memoirs are notable because of what they include but also what they leave out. Profaci left the group long before Love Has Won got involved with QAnon and focused on conspiracy theories, antisemitism, and racism. He only heard about those second hand after communicating with other ex-members. He also was a witness primarily to verbal abuse and the occasional physical abuse but was no longer a member during the torture sessions. Above all, he cut ties with Love Has Won completely by 2021 and was in the hospital for chemotherapy when he heard about Carlson’s death and display of her mummified corpse. Because of this Love Has Won is seen strictly through his eyes and personal experiences. It leaves out many parts to the story, most notably the most newsmaking, graphic, and sensationalistic aspects. 

What remains is a deeply personal human story about how one person is drawn into a cult but most importantly what keeps them there after all common sense should have told them to leave. In Profaci’s case, it boils down to a simple reason. He was in love with its leader. Their first face-to-face meeting illustrates this point. Profaci expected the warm, empathetic, wise, enthusiastic, charming guru with whom he communicated online. What he got instead was a fragile, sickly, intoxicated woman half asleep and fallen over in drunkenness. He suspected then and there that Carlson was a fraud but his empathy for this woman in her shattered state compelled him to remain.

There is considerable doubt whether Profaci ever believed in Love Has Won’s philosophies or not. Most of the time, he comes across as a detached deadpan snarker. Recalling his decision to remain with Love Has Won despite his disastrous first meeting with the presumed Mother God, Profaci writes, “I didn’t know how far this ‘awakening’ would push me or how much of myself I’d have to lose just to keep up. But I knew one thing: This path does not offer refunds. You paid with your soul or turned back empty-handed. So I paid.”

When Carlson declared Profaci to be her lover and latest Father God, he was nonplussed and did not look at this promotion with honor. Recalling the previous Father Gods who came and went before him, Profaci wondered, “What did that make me? Father God #3? 4? 5?”

What stands out the most in this book is Profaci’s devotion to Carlson herself not to her Mother God persona but to Amy, the human woman who was just as lost and just as confused as he was, built a spiritual path to find her solutions, and got swept up in her own delusions.

Profaci’s empathy for his leader is most prominent during the frequent power struggles among members. A compelling conflict involved Profaci and another member KG who slowly climbed the ranks to become a Healer and part of a threesome with Carlson and Profaci. 

After KG’s ascension, the cult’s forums became flooded with messages from divine beings called Quantums. Through KG’s encouragement, Carlson believed the Quantums were real and began to rely on their unquestionable authority. As the group’s online conversations with the Quantums increased so did their claims and personalities. One of the Quantums claimed to be Robin Williams and Carlson actually claimed to represent Williams through visions and meditations. 

The book The War on Love includes transcripts of the conversations between the Quantum Beings and Love Has Won members. It’s perfectly clear that they, specifically Carlson, were in the grips of a widespread delusion and were willing to follow it through to the end. The irony that the leader of one delusion can be so swept up in a completely separate one cannot be understated. Sometimes the most manipulative can be the most easily manipulated by others. It shows how the assistants learn from and surpass the master in cruelty.

That’s what happened between Carlson and the Quantum Beings. Profaci had doubts about the whole experience. At first he wanted to give the Quantums the benefit of the doubt, however inconsistencies in their teachings and Carlson’s reliance on KG to facilitate the conversations with them aroused his suspicions. After some investigation and soul searching, Profaci revealed the truth that KG completely fabricated the Quantum’s existence and communications in an attempt to seize power within the cult. 

The Quantum Account is important to Profaci’s involvement with Love Has Won for many reasons. Among them is that it shows Profaci’s inner conflict between his doubts about cult doctrine and protective affection for Carlson. As Carlson came to terms with KG’s deception, Profaci comforted her. He almost broke her from her Mother God delusion to accept herself as Amy. He saw the glimpses of the real woman underneath the mask of confidence and alleged divinity and tried to convince her to accept and love her real self. Unfortunately, other members had private conversations with her and the mask slipped back on and firmly stayed on. The vulnerable woman that Profaci was anxious about was replaced by the remote and unapproachable Mother God and Profaci was not going to get her back.

It also was one of the first incidents that caused doubts about the cult and led to Profaci’s abandonment of them. Eventually those doubts would increase as Carlson insisted that he was full of ego. Any question of authority, any slight infraction, any disagreement was seen as ego and selfishness getting in the way. However, Profaci became aware of the hypocrisy of her words when the whole cult was built on her ego that said that she was the Mother of All Creation and Love Incarnate. Eventually, Profaci could no longer reconcile his concern for Carlson with his criticisms for Love Has Won. Disillusioned, Profaci eventually left the cult and his former girlfriend/guru behind.

Profaci never writes Carlson as a manipulator, con artist, or someone who wanted to fool innocent victims solely for financial gains. The monetary benefits were there and she clearly enjoyed her rule over innocent people but Profaci also saw someone who was in serious need of love, acceptance, and belonging. In fact, he saw Carlson as someone who genuinely wanted to believe that she was who she said she was. She repeated her claims of being a Mother God so often that she thought that they were true. It was a means of gaining some psychological and spiritual hold and control in her life. Her dangerous ego pushed her into a dark path that she created but could no longer separate from. By the end, there was no division between Amy Carlson and Mother God. She became the illusion that she created and fell in love with it. 

Profaci’s book is a profound look at love. His love for Amy Carlson kept him in a dangerous place, but it was his discovery of love for himself that broke him out and set him free.

Justified Anger by Jennifer Colne; Sobering Account of the Effects of Molestation and Incest on a Family

 Justified Anger by Jennifer Colne; Sobering Account of the Effects of Molestation and Incest on a Family 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Spoilers: It can be difficult for a family when one of their members is the victim of a crime. Sometimes the crime affects more than just the one who was hurt. It can affect everyone around them and fill them with feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, trauma, denial, and activism. Worse than that would be if the perpetrator was a family member as well. The actions and consequences can split a family apart as they take sides.

That is the situation faced by Jennifer Colne in her memoir, Justified Anger. This is a sobering, and unnerving book about the effects of child molestation and incest on her family.

Colne begins her book describing the troubles facing her daughters in 2001 when her eldest Katherine had been hospitalized for mental health problems and her younger daughter, Emma, lost custody of her children in a draining court battle with her abusive ex. This custody fight would lead to Emma being hospitalized as well after a suicide attempt and severe flashbacks. During one of these flashbacks Emma revealed that she was raped by her Uncle David. Later Katherine confessed that the same thing happened to her. David was arrested and charged with counts of rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault. Unfortunately that's not the end of the story. Emma was convinced that she was blocking something from her mind. After a few years and a second marriage, Emma remembered what it was. She was not only raped and molested by her Uncle but by her father, Steve as well.

Colne’s intense descriptions of her daughters' abuse and the aftermath including their fractured mental states reach into the Reader’s souls and understand the pain that this family went through and in many ways are still going through. The abusers left their marks leaving their victims in fragile states unable to cope with many of the stresses in their lives. 

It wasn't just the initial crime of sexual assault that made David and Steve monsters. It was the continuous after effects that created a lifetime of trauma from two innocent girls who were hurt by men that they should have trusted to protect and love them. Katherine and Emma suffered physical, mental, and emotional scars that never fully healed as they got older. They were in tears, raged, and engaged in self harm and addictive behaviors. 

One of the most painful chapters occurs years later when Emma, surrounded by her mother, children, and husband, regresses to a childlike state. Her memories of her childhood were muddled with those of her children. She couldn't separate the past from the present, referred to people in her children's lives by names of people that she knew as a child, could not recall recent memories, or recognize her children in their photos. Skills that she was adept in like cooking became unknown to her. She regressed to a mental child in an adult body. Steve not only robbed his daughter of her childhood by molesting her. He and his brother in law robbed her of her adulthood by replacing a fulfilled life of a good career, happy marriage, secure home, loving children with one of terror, fractured mental states, impulsive dangerous behavior, and internal misery. 

David and especially Steve did more long term damage. They didn't just destroy Katherine and Emma. They broke apart their whole family. Even though the sisters were on the same side in accusing and charging David, they stood on opposite sides when it came to Steve. Colne supported Emma's account recalling earlier moments of sexual, verbal, and physical abuse that her former husband inflicted on her. That was more than Katherine did.

Katherine refused to accept that her own father raped her sister. She claimed that Emma was a liar and was trying to get attention. It is bizarre that a woman who had been sexually assaulted by one family member and developed emotional and psychological problems would not be more empathetic towards her sister who had been going through the same thing. Emma’s state clearly showed that she had been abused if not by their father then by somebody. But unlike her mother who recognized the signs and confirmed Emma's account, Katherine blatantly ignored them and defiantly venerated her father.

Katherine's denial might have been a means to protect herself psychologically and might have been understandable. But the volatile extremes that she went through to discredit Emma are less defensible. She not only purposely sided with her father but influenced other family members to do the same such as her and Emma's younger brother Colne's son, Liam and Emma's own estranged children. They cut not only Emma out of their lives but Colne as well removing themselves of a sister, niece, and mother but also a mother, aunt, and grandmother. 

We don't get any understanding of Katherine's transition from defender and fellow victim to antagonist because it is told by Colne and she clearly doesn't know either. There might be speculation from the Reader but nothing known or said. Instead, Katherine and the rest of Steve's defenders having so much vehement animosity towards his accusers can be seen as yet another crime that can be laid at Steve's feet.

Justified Anger is a realistic book about trauma. People don't always recover after one hospitalization or breakthrough. It sometimes takes many stays and they can exhibit the same behaviors for years and even decades afterwards. Sometimes perpetrators don't get the punishment that they deserve. Sometimes the story doesn't end with hugs and reconciliation. Sometimes it ends with making peace with oneself and that's how Colne ends her book. Her family is still broken. Emma may still have psychological problems. Katherine is still estranged from the rest of the family. But Colne and Emma have made peace with themselves and have strengthened their connections as mother and daughter.

For now, that's enough.

Chomp, Press, Pull by Elaina Battista-Parsons; Sensate Memoir About Sensory Issues

 

Chomp, Press, Pull by Elaina Battista-Parsons; Sensate Memoir About Sensory Issues

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews

This review is also on Reedsy Discovery 

Spoilers: Sensory dysregulation can be a very difficult condition to live with. The body has trouble processing and interpreting sensory information from the environment leading to unusual or uncomfortable responses. It can lead to oversensitivity or under sensitivity to stimuli and difficulty distinguishing different sensory inputs. The person with it could respond by having emotional meltdowns, anxiety attacks, motor coordination problems, and often avoiding certain environments or activities. It is caused by neurological disorders such as Autism, sensory processing disorder, developmental delays, trauma, and early life experiences. Occupational therapy, environmental modifications, sensory integration activities, and medication can be used to treat it. 

As with many neurological and psychological conditions, it is something that causes people to view the world differently but can be controlled or diminished if too overwhelming. Unfortunately, this was not always the case as Elaina Battista-Parsons reveals in her amusing and moving memoir, Chomp Press Pull. When she grew up in the 80’s, her condition was barely understood or treated. Battista-Parsons’s book is rich in personal experiences and sensory detail from someone who had to look at the world in her own way.

The Introduction gives us a compelling glimpse of what it's like for someone to live their daily life with such a condition. In 1995, Battista-Parsons sat in her classroom, sweated, and shifted uncomfortably because of the class’s heater. Despite her objections, the teacher wouldn't let her leave the room or open the window in January so she had to endure this miserable time in class growing ever more uncomfortable and barely paying attention to the dull lecture on Jack London.

When she was very young long before she was diagnosed, Battista-Parsons used a variety of means to deal with the sensory complications like chewing and biting on anything whether it was edible or not, pressing down hard on things such as crayons to paper, and pulling on objects like hair and string. She also had various comfort objects to hold and take comfort in their texture. Chief among them was a Mork doll from the sitcom, Mork and Mindy. Battista-Parsons carried Mork around so often that she referred to him as “(her) husband.”

Since Battista-Parsons spent much of her childhood in the 80’s, the book refers to many of the trends of the era. She describes banana clips on big hair, Swatch watches and neon bright colors, going to the mall, dancing to music videos like “So Emotional,” “Control,” and “Rhythm of the Night,” and scented merchandise. A delightful chapter is devoted to that favorite fad of many 80’s girls: scratch and sniff stickers. Battista-Parsons loved and collected them, probably because they gave off a nice smell that wasn't too overpowering for her. Among her favorites were plump strawberry, pizza slice, and two bananas. This chapter showed that despite her sensory difficulties, Battista-Parsons was able to find delight in things despite or even maybe because of these issues.

Because of her awareness of senses, Battista-Parsons associated senses with certain times and places. She had a love for apartments and sometimes stayed overnight at her grandmother's. The taste and smell of tomato sauce, garlic, oregano, braciola, and olive oil filled those days and reminded her of her grandmother's apartment and other small spaces. Small apartments and sheds gave her a sense of coziness that still resonates within her.

Battista-Parsons’ sensory dysregulation gave her the ability to focus on and be aware of people and things that others are not. While Christmas can be a fun time of togetherness, it was also a draining time. Her very large and noisy family’s voices were exuberant but cacophonous. The Christmas music was present and merged with the voices of her family. This is a reminder that not everyone processes events and places in the same way and although they might be having a good time, they can also feel anxious and overwhelmed. It takes great understanding, acceptance, and accommodation to live with such a condition for the person who has it and those who are near it.

As with many young people, Battista-Parsons explored the concept of sexuality, something that her body, particularly her senses, made her very aware of. She cites Billy Idol’s music video for “Cradle of Love” with its beautiful alluring female protagonist for introducing her to the concept of sex. She recognized the power that the girl had in the video over a male onlooker and that a female body can spark certain feelings and turn people on. The sight of “Cradle of Love” and other videos became gateways into Battista-Parsons ' understanding of sex which culminated in various dates and losing her virginity at 19. 

The book is a cornucopia of associating senses with past interests and experiences. She associated linoleum floors and Hela Young reciting lottery numbers on television with her family room. Her father’s green tree air freshener made her nauseous. Though he told her that she would be fine, he took her to the nearby hardware store where sawdust and cedar wood were a reliever from the artificial plastic odor from her dad’s car. The sight of figure skaters dressed in their beautiful costumes, skating on the cool ice impressed her enough to imitate them on the living room floor. The taste of sugar bubble gum recalled a babysitter who indulged her interest in the tasty treat. Her mother’s hands touched store fabrics with great care like they were the finest silk. The book is definitely about someone who had no choice but to experience the world strongly and share with others how it looked, smelled, heard, tasted, and felt to her. 

Even though the book is largely about how Battista-Parsons coped with sensory dysregulation throughout her life, that is not by any means her sole focus. She takes several opportunities to recall other important times through her life, many that any reader would relate to. She discusses familiar issues that many Readers understand like conflicts with her family, first crushes, and academic struggles with other kids and teachers. One whole chapter is devoted to many anecdotes that illustrate her various teacher’s specific sense triggers, and sometimes more objectionable behavior like telling bawdy jokes, groping and flirting with students, or dividing classrooms by gender or ability.

Her experience with her first love, Gregg, combines early romance with her sensory details. Gregg inspired her to enjoy various musicians, particularly female musicians but he became very possessive and jealous of her. Her overdeveloped sense of smell attracted her to his cologne and the wood in his parent’s house. Because she associated people with certain scents, she often caught the odor in other boy’s much to Gregg’s chagrin and lack of understanding towards her condition. After about a year, they broke up in the usual pattern of early boyfriends and girlfriends falling out of love as quickly as they fell in.

Battista-Parsons had brilliant clever ways of writing about her sensory issues. One whole chapter describes alphabetically some of the difficulties that her condition caused. Her arm hair felt uncomfortable so she constantly shaved it. Biting fingernails and cracking air pockets became sources of stress relief. Certain colors like green and gray were soothing while red was too overpowering. Anything as simple and innocuous to others like Play-Doh, dry lips, zippers, suitcases, lemons, and sandals could help or hinder her.

Identifying her condition, understanding the symptoms, and realizing that she was not the only one with such problems, helped Battista-Parsons learn about and treat her condition. She attributed many different techniques including Reiki and chiropractic methods as huge factors in helping her treat her sensory issues. She also holds no animosity towards her family for dismissing her problems. It was not discussed or identified much throughout her childhood and if medical professionals didn’t understand and study it, then her parents wouldn’t have been able to let alone herself. 

The chapters describing the research and diagnosis reveal how liberating it can be when you learn about a condition and how you can master it.

SOS Podcasts by Rosamaria Mancini; Gingered by Ryan G. Murphy; Two Hilarious Memoirs About Life, Love, Podcasts, and Red Hair

 

SOS Podcasts by Rosamaria Mancini; Gingered by Ryan G. Murphy; Two Hilarious Memoirs About Life, Love, Podcasts, and Red Hair

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Spoilers: Because I am very behind on my work, both this and the next review will feature two books with similar topics and themes.

When you want to laugh about life's daily routines and problems, you may want to turn to a memoir. Some deal with darker aspects and are dramatic as they discuss the author's struggles. Then there are some that discuss struggles with a smile, nod, and a chuckle or two. 

The books, SOS Podcasts by Rosamaria Mancini and Gingered by Ryan G. Murphy are the latter. They are hilarious memoirs about life, love, learning and communicating through social media, and living with the curse of having red hair.

SOS Podcasts is a lighthearted witty memoir about author Rosamaria Mancini’s life in Italy and Germany with a military husband, two young children, and a growing interest in listening to podcasts.

Mancini describes herself as “a big pain, a lot to deal with, and overbearing” and a born worrier. She attributes these traits to a life of constant change. She moved to Italy for a career in media where she married Marco, an electronics specialist in the Italian Air Force and had a young daughter. They moved to a NATO Base in Germany where Mancini gave birth to a son. 

In Germany, Mancini felt a tremendous culture shock. Since she came from an Italian-American family, she was able to adjust to life in Italy, speak the language, and adapt to the culture though she was mocked for her American ways and disliked many things about the country like the constant red tape. Her time in Germany however was a much more stressful situation. She was worried about the language, the cold weather, and the rumored preciseness and efficiency.

 To combat these anxieties, Mancini made sure her family stuck to various rules like wearing layers of sleep during a scheduled time. These rules, her overbearing nature, and difficulty in making new friends made Mancini a “fish so far out of water that (she) might as well be in the Gobi Desert." In her loneliness, Mancini made a new friend, one that became, as she described it “a new savior: Podcast.

Through podcasts, Mancini learned about important topics like femicide, wrongful convictions, climate change, immigration, student loan debt, and vaccination controversies. She learned about cooking and child care to help her with household responsibilities. She practiced prayer and meditation for stress relief. She got hooked on comedy and Fiction shows. Podcasts proved to be a source of education and information for Mancini.

There seemed to be a podcast for every occasion to help with Mancini’s various conflicts and questions. For example, she had trouble getting along with the other military wives. The podcast, Life Kits proved to be such a valuable source of comfort so much that Mancini considered its host, Julia Furlan, to be a friend.

Podcasts like the Pregnancy Podcast and The Birth Hour soothed any fears and answered any questions that Mancini had about her pregnancies. Podcasts like The Longest Shortest Time and Care and Feeding provided advice on parenting when she had difficulties raising two small children. Skimm This gave her a youthful perspective on popular culture and social trends. Dear Sugars helped her process her guilt and grief about her father's death. It seemed that any life change had a podcast to go with it.

Mancini also found podcasts that reflected or created various interests in her life. A beautiful chapter on Mancini and her family observing Christmas markets and traditions adds to her recommendation of Rick Steves Germany and Austria. Listening to cooking podcasts like La Scossapizza gave her a chance to get in touch with her Italian roots by preparing the cultural food. Mancini became fascinated by storytelling podcasts like Serial because of their ongoing serialized format.

Mancini has some recommendations for advice on spiritual and emotional well-being. Journeys of Faith with Paul Faris helped center her into her Catholic faith. While NPR’s Up First, BBC’s Global News, and New York Times’ The Daily are useful for the current news, The Good News Podcast is an antidote for lighter, hopeful, and more humanitarian stories. 

SOS Podcasts is a love letter from a woman to her favorite media source. It lets the Reader know that there is a podcast and a story for just about every feeling, activity, interest, and experience.

Gingered is a hilarious side splitting memoir about something that I am quite familiar with:  having red hair.

Ryan G. Murphy's red hair was an asset in his young years when he modeled for stock photos and acted in commercials and bit parts. Unfortunately when he began school, his hair became less of an advantage and was a means for other kids to bully him. This chapter reminds Readers that schoolchildren will find any reason, any excuse to pick at something different to ostracize and bully others.

Even as an adult Murphy still felt scrutinized because of his hair. Many strangers remarked on it. Girls refused to date him because of it. He is often asked if he is one of several red haired people such as Damien Lewis, Prince Harry, Ed Sheeran, or Kevin-”not a famous Kevin or anything. Just Kevin.”

Murphy had a colorful childhood with two doting parents and particularly his charming and conniving grandfather who created and sold bootlegged VHS. Much of Murphy's stories depict his loving relationship with his outrageous, impudent but devoted grandpa. 

Murphy goes through many of the milestones in a young person's life with a light comic touch. Things like first kiss (“Adult kissing is not really kissing at all. It's opening your mouth into someone else's mouth, wrestling your tongues and then spending the next few minutes wondering what the Hell you are supposed to do with your hands”), getting punished (“My Dad was angry three times when I was a kid”), getting into fights with other kids (“I was punched in the face on a Sunday. Punched in the ear if we are being specific.”), receiving sex education in a Catholic school (“They tried to scare the puberty out of us by guaranteeing that we'd all get AIDS then separated the boys and girls into different classrooms.”), attending high school (“High school was a lot like grammar school only with more penises.”), his first girlfriend (After he shaved his red hair, she gave him a baseball cap and he responded: “Even with only peach fuzz on top of my head, she still couldn't stand my red hair.”), college adventures (on taking three girls in a date to see Passion of the Christ: “The dinners were great. We got buzzed sipping on Bahamaritas-feeling all fancy and flirty-the perfect tone setter. Then Jesus had to ruin everything like always.”), finding a long term partner (He knew that his future wife, Pam, was The One after they quoted Zoolander to each other.), his difficulties with anger management (“When a UPS truck is chasing you at eighty miles an hour down the Staten Island Expressway, you start to evaluate your life choices.”)  

These universal milestones are individualized by Murphy's deft writing and witty observations. 

With red hair and a sharp wit, Murphy knows how to stand out in a crowd.

In The House of A Demon: A Memoir Book 1 by Tina Soctoy; Tension and Sense of Immediacy Fill Memoir About Kidnapping Victim

 

In The House of A Demon: A Memoir Book 1 by Tina Soctoy; Tension and Sense of Immediacy Fill Memoir About Kidnapping Victim

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Spoilers: Tina Soctoy’s Memoir, In the House of a Demon is probably the closest that many Readers will ever get to experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. It tells of a kidnapping through a survivor’s point of view with all of the tension and Immediacy that situation would provide.

When Soctoy was six years old, she was recruited to join a secret Soviet program to create child soldiers and spies. The book is set primarily within the first few months when she was held captive by a soldier named Sasha who molested and isolated her. Despite arguing and trying to escape, Soctoy eventually capitulated to her captors and became their willing pawn.

Throughout the book there is a sense of immediacy that puts us on the same level with Soctoy, the child. We are not given the particulars of her predicament within the text of the book itself, only in the "About the Author" section. In reading the book and not knowing the situation beforehand, the Reader is left uncertain who has Soctoy, for what purpose, what they are going to do to her, and when, if ever she will be free. We only see this situation through her terrified and confused six year old mind. 

She doesn’t know her captor’s names except one is called Sasha. The others are just the Men. We don’t know where she is being held except a few context clues suggest that it’s an isolated and wooded area. This adds to the overall suspense that we are kept in the same ignorance as Soctoy and can almost visualize ourselves looking upward at these larger men who overpower her.

Her captors are master manipulators. They appear nice one minute by giving her food or speaking in an almost tender tone of voice. Then the next minute they threaten her and her mother. This puts her in a false sense of security so she becomes obedient rather than do something that will change their moods. She is raped and then made to feel like she was willing to do it, so she will consider herself fallen and damaged beyond all repair. The sex is humiliating and a sign of dominance that says that Soctoy can’t even feel alone in the comfort of a bed. 

The captors also deceive her by promising that she will be reunited with her mother then put suspicion on her towards her parents. Since we aren’t given much background information, we are put in the same situation as Soctoy where we question her family’s loyalty as well. We wonder if Soctoy returns home, whether she will be put in a similar or worse situation than the one in which she is in.

Many times the dialogue and action between Soctoy and her captors get repetitive but it adds to Soctoy’s mental state. The more her captors repeat the same scenario over to her, the more Soctoy starts to believe it. Time and space are altered so she doesn’t know what day it is or how long that she has been there. Even basic facts like whether it is day or night are unknown to her. She becomes dependent on her captors to tell her anything. 

A few times Soctoy manages to fight her captivity by arguing and escaping but these become hollow victories. They always catch up to her and they use physical and psychological torture to silence her objections. The more that she remains with them, the less likely she is to run away. 

By the end, she is completely broken and is theirs to do whatever they want to her.

Soctoy wrote two more books about her young life. Maybe we will get more concrete answers to what happened to her, what the ultimate goal was, and what resulted from it. For now, we just received her six year old perspective and that was scary enough. The rest of the memoirs are bound to be even more horrifying. 

New Book Alert: Joy: The Art of Making Tofu An Autobiography by Simon Boreham; Heartwarming and Heartbreaking Book of Love, Loss, Grief, Joy, and Tofu

New Book Alert: Joy: The Art of Making Tofu An Autobiography by Simon Boreham; Heartwarming and Heartbreaking Book of Love, Loss, Grief, Joy, and Tofu

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews 

 Simon Boreham's memoirs, Joy: The Art of Making Tofu: An Autobiography is a lovely, moving, and heartbreaking and heartwarming book about Boreham's 59 year marriage to his wife, Dawn and her death in 2021. 

The book begins shortly after Dawn's death as Boreham wrote his memoirs. Even from the beginning, he wrote of the aching memories of going through a house and the things that he and Dawn once shared and suddenly carried many beautiful and painful memories. The white-framed mirror that was her favorite. The porcelain vase with a crack that they bought at their Greystones home in Torquay. The handbag that she took to the hospital. All things under normal circumstances might have been overlooked and ignored that now carry significance and emotional weight. This chapter alone carries Boreham's grief, sadness, and his loving happy memories in a few short pages.

Boreham recounts Dawn's death with her hospitalization from angina and the painful seemingly endless waiting with their children, Catherine and Jason especially because they couldn't be in the hospital room with her because of the pandemic. Boreham combines this with other memories such as when he and Dawn entered the restaurant business in the 1970's and '80's and when he wrote a poem called "The Crying Man." This effect of going from one memory to another even at one point switching the point of view to the second person talking specifically to Dawn is how a person's mind works when it goes through deep stress and grief. It flickers from one memory to another when the current situation becomes too painful and wanting the person to still be there. 

Boreham keeps his and Dawn's years alive through great recall and detail. He talks about his middle class upbringing with his parents, Sybil and Mike, moving through several countries because of his father's career at Barclays Bank. Sybil and Mike eventually settled in the U.K. in 1959 until her death from cancer in 1976. Their happy but doting marriage was a detriment because as Dawn pointed out, she couldn't live up to their expectations for their son so they rarely visited the couple. In fact after Sybil's death, Mike fell apart and moved to South Africa. Boreham writes them as a couple insulated by their reserve and love for each other and their son. It was admirable because it gave Boreham an example of a happy marriage, but they were still standoffish towards Dawn.

Boreham captures his childhood with multiple senses and delightful memories such as the various books that he and his mother read together, Sybil's perfume, his grandparent's tomato garden, Boreham's crush on Disney's Snow White, and his father carrying him after a dog bit him. He also writes about his time in a boarding school that was structured with rules, upperclassmen who teased the younger ones, and a few loyal friends. These memories depict a man with a nice childhood and sometimes difficult youth that filled him with knowledge, thoughts, encouragement, and security. Things that he aspired towards in his marriage. In fact, his main act of rebellion was moving to Canada in the early 60's only to return to a steady life.

In contrast, Dawn was a very opinionated young lady. The second of three children, she was considered her father's favorite. As compared to Boreham's parents, Dawn's parents got along with her husband. In fact, Boreham thought of his mother-in-law Elizabeth as a second mother. Elizabeth, called "Dizzy Lizzy," was something of a character who responded to her son in law's poems with letters decorated with matchstick cartoon characters. She actually had an affair with Boreham's father which continued after both their spouses died. While Boreham and Dawn outwardly supported it, they still felt uncomfortable. While not outright stated, Elizabeth's open hearted eccentric personality may have inspired her daughter's outspoken unconventional nature 

Instead of the private school upbringing of her husband, Dawn attended a Catholic state school. When a nun constantly berated her, Dawn pulled her wimple off. When her sister saw cane marks on Dawn's legs, she and her younger brother were pulled out of that school. This showed Dawn as the type of woman who was more forward in her personality than her reserved husband. It was a strange attraction of opposites that proved compatible for over five decades of marital happiness.

In 1962, Boreham met Dawn while he was working in the hospitality industry and she was a hotel receptionist. He remembered what she wore and where they went those passionate first weeks before he left on a misadventure in Germany. He returned to England and Dawn began a love affair that lasted 59 years.

He remembers Dawn being the type who initiated the emotional response, but letting Boreham think he was leading her. When he kissed her during their dating, Boreham realized that Dawn expected and wanted him to.

Dawn's spirit comes alive in her widower's writing. She was high spirited, sociable, outspoken, intuitive, strong willed, outgoing, and joyful. She loved jazz, dancing, flowers, experimental cooking, and occasionally horse betting, and drinking single malts while quoting Robert Burns. This is told by a man who is still in love with his wife even after she left this world. The sharp grief may recede and be pushed back at times but he will always remember who she was and what she meant to him.

The Boreham's experiences in parenthood contain moments of humor like when their son Jason swallowed a cupboard key and anxiety like when he had fragile health and needed heart and kidney operations during his infancy. Many parents would relate to these situations.The Boreham parents were able to pass their tremendous love for each other to their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

Besides the Boreham's marriage, this book is about their experience in the food business. Like many entrepreneurs, it took some time for the duo to find their niche. They went from a high-spend fish restaurant, to a steak and fish place. In 1989, two years after Boreham was let go of his job they purchased Dragonfly, an organic whole food manufacturing business. 

Their specialty was tofu which at the time was not widely made and sold except in family owned shops in Asia. The duo learned the hard way about the difficulties of making food by themselves without a factory and personnel. They found themselves quite busy making and delivering food only taking off for two weeks between Christmas and New Year's.

Boreham also writes of the toll that starting their own business worked on their marriage especially between two obstinate individuals who believed that they knew what was best. This is evident when after an argument, Dawn, fed up with her husband's high handedness, engaged in a one-woman strike and walkout leaving her husband to finish the clean up. After that he learned to accommodate her personality to his and that her solutions might be different but they weren't always wrong. Their time running Dragonfly helped strengthen their relationship by working towards a goal and implementing their diverse personalities to the end product.

Naturally the final chapters are filled with moments that tug at even the most immovable heart strings. Little moments are captured such as when they bought an antique turquoise pot that was too big to fit anywhere but Dawn just wanted to buy it anyway because the colors represented meaning and life. A pot that would eventually become the funeral urn to carry Dawn's ashes and was big enough to also hold the ashes of their late dog and Boreham when his time comes to be with them. Talk about meaning.

In the end, Boreham writes through his grief in keeping his wife's memory alive but still enjoying the life that he still has. He still can enjoy writing, and bonding with his children, grandchildren and great granddaughter, studying Eastern philosophy and other uplifting sources, and finding joy and happiness around him.

While Joy: The Art of Making Tofu is a sad book about grief and loss, it is also funny and moving as it tells of the memories of a happy marriage, and to find joy in not only those times but the remaining time that we have left.

Weekly Reader: The Cat With Three Passports by C.J. Fentiman; Sweet Travel Book With Plenty of Cat-itude

 

Weekly Reader: The Cat With Three Passports by C.J. Fentiman; Sweet Travel Book With Plenty of Cat-itude

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: As anyone who has a cat knows: cats are the true rulers of any household and we humans are simply their over glorified servants. How often do cats demand just that specific brand of cat food and turn their nose up at any other substitutes? How often do they swat their paws at any other pet that gets into their territory or give their humans  imperial stares to remind them who’s in charge? How often do cats turn their backs to be left alone but will sit on our laps or keyboards right at the most inopportune moments to get attention? My personal favorite is when a cat designates a specific human as their “Official Human Mattress” so they can sleep on them all night while their human servant underneath struggles to be comfortable with a five to ten pound weight laying on their hips or legs. Yes, cats are something else: independent, fussy, quirky, argumentative, but somehow lovable and adorable. 

C.J. Fentiman’s The Cat With Three Passports is a lovely book for any cat lover or owner uh I mean servant. It details Fentiman’s life in Japan when after a time of fruitless wandering and searching for meaning, she finds it in a new country with her partner and an excitable bundle of feline fur and nonstop energy.

Fentiman’s first time in Japan was in her mind a disaster. She and her partner, Ryan, were hired to teach English in one of the largest multi language schools in Osaka. What she hoped for was an opportunity to get to know the city, interact with students, and find some purpose. What she got instead was a dehumanized approach to education which lumped Fentiman with the other “Anglo” teachers, remote teaching without connecting with the students, and a school whose administration practically owned her time away from campus. Fentiman wrote that she and Ryan didn’t stay even a week before they packed their bags and returned to their native England. Unfortunately, Fentiman was beginning to realize that running away was a distinct pattern in her life from a troubled youth in England, to Australia, then to Japan. She realized that she wasn’t looking for something so much as she was constantly leaving at the first sign of trouble. 

As she describes it she and Ryan were “lured back to Japan by two cats.” Feeling guilty about leaving so quickly, Ryan and Fentiman found another opportunity to teach English in a more remote location Hida-Takayama, about 312 km north of Osaka. As if the fact that there would be more human interaction wasn’t enough of a draw, what really turned them around was the fact that their potential apartment was housed by two cats. The former owners had to leave and they couldn’t find anyone to take care of their small gray kittens, so Fentiman and Ryan found new teaching opportunities and two furry roommates named Iko and Niko (one and two in Japanese). Iko, the cuddler, and Niko, the timid one, made their human’s lives more colorful and friendlier as they adjusted to their new lives of working and living in a foreign country.

Iko and Niko were great companions and stress relievers for their humans. When Fentiman hit a rough patch in her teaching, she considered once again packing up and leaving but one look at those two precious faces gave her anchors to remain, smooth out the edges, and work alongside the students, staff, and community.

After she chose to remain in Hida-Takayama, Fentiman found another responsibility. Ryan rescued a small kitten from trying to cross a busy street. The couple took the little guy home and he became a permanent fixture in the household. The couple originally had a hard time introducing their new little friend to his future roommate and adjusting to the new apartment. At first the couple tried to lure him out with toys which he liked to play with but when they wanted to pet him, he hissed and scratched at them. It took about two weeks before he accepted his new human friends. They separated the cats letting them spend small amounts of time together so they could grow used to each other. The older cats at first hissed at him but grew accustomed to their new brother (or at least knew that bribing him meant food was present). The kitten accepted his new home and upon realizing that music soothed the tiny beast, Fentiman and Ryan named their newest fur baby Gershwin or G for short.

Gershwin may have adjusted to his new home, but he was not exactly the easiest cat to live with. Unlike the older and slower moving Iko and Niko, Gershwin was young, feisty, mischievous, and sometimes considered trouble on four legs. Many times, he would leap up and attack anyone who approached, earning the moniker “Ninja Attack Kitten.” He also wasn’t above attacking anything twice his size needing Fentiman and Ryan to discipline him. Fentiman wasn’t kidding when she described Gershwin as “kawaii” for cute but also “kowaii” for scary. Gershwin was a lot of both.

Their cat circle grew wider as they took in Takashi, a sickly kitten that they had examined for Feline HIV. Thankfully, Takashi didn't. The newcomer caught the cat flu and made a full recovery thanks to the care and devotion of the human companions.

The Cat With Three Passports is a great guide for anyone living with one or several cats, especially a sometimes troublesome cat who makes life “interesting” for the humans unfortunate enough to be caught up in their presence. It’s not exactly a guide for pet owners, but it does lead by example to show how a pair of loving pet owners loved and managed the felines in their lives. 

Besides a wonderful book about caring for and loving pets, it’s also a great travel book. Fentiman captures Japan’s natural beauty, customs, and technology . When they first arrived in Osaka, it was spring and the blossoms were present and fragrant. The flowers were such a part of the people’s lives that their football team was called The Blossoms. 

Fentiman and Ryan witnessed various festivals such as the Fertility Festival in which some create effigies of men's umm little friends. (Don't worry in keeping with Shinto's themes of balance, they have a festival to honor women's little hidden friends as well). Fentiman's descriptions of the festivals including the colorful decorations and graceful floats make the festivals come alive.

The festivals also gave Fentiman a sense of closure in her own life. During the Obon Festival, which people honor their deceased ancestors, Fentiman thought of her own difficulties with her family, such as her deceased mother and distant father and began the process of letting go of her hurt and angry feelings towards them. Later she contacted long lost relatives. Even though reconciliation and moving on were long processes, the festival allowed Fentiman to stop focusing on her past and live solely in the present to become a better teacher, partner, and pet mother.

Fentiman indulged in many activities like mountain climbing and community bathing. In one chapter, Fentiman was talked into getting a traditional makeover complete with kimono, obe, and updo. Far from looking like an elegant geisha, Fentiman felt self-conscious and unattractive until she went outside and got caught up in bystander's enthusiasm. Wearing those clothes also gave her insight into the daily lives of Japanese women and how restrictive some traditions were. 

Fentiman and Ryan found their time in Takayama cut short because of increasing expenses and debt. They had to accept better paying teaching jobs in a school called British Hills, an English training center and resort, in Fukushima. That meant saying goodbye to the friends and village that they had grown to love and especially the breakup of their cat haven home. They made sure that Iko, Niko, and Takashi had good homes. The constant interviewing and inspection of each future cat owner is one that many will relate to as well as the tearful goodbyes when the end comes. 

However, Fentiman and Ryan opted to keep Gershwin because they weren't sure if the feisty little guy would adjust to a new home and even though he was a mischief maker, the Ninja Attack Cat was their favorite. 

Readers will understand the difficulties of making pets ready for travel including getting them used to a long trip,making sure they have their vaccinations, and getting them spayed and neutered. It's a stressful ordeal alongside the packing, getting rid of things, and saying goodbye to friends. 

Cats are notorious for having difficulties with change. It was no doubt a miracle that Gershwin became used to his new home and being an only cat. The exploring of his new domain and the cuddling and spoiling by his humans certainly helped with the transition. Gershwin's adjustment also allowed Fentiman and Ryan to make a bigger move to Australia with cat in tow.

Ikigai is a strong theme throughout this book. It means finding one's purpose. In the past, Fentiman was always wandering, running away when things got hard, and looking for something to belong to. Her time in Japan and taking care of the cats, especially Gershwin, revealed her purpose. Teaching, traveling, and caring for cats was her ikigai and if not for Gershwin and Japan, she never would have found them.

The Cat With Three Passports is a wonderful book about travel, animals, and finding one's true purpose. It has plenty of beauty and plenty of cat-itude.