Showing posts with label Semi Autobiographical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Semi Autobiographical. Show all posts

Sunday, March 2, 2025

Memories of MK Ultra: A Journey of Discovery From Darkness to Deliverance by Bill Yarborough; A Truth Inspired and Terrifying Tale of Child Abduction and Mind Control

 

Memories of MK Ultra: A Journey of Discovery From Darkness to Deliverance by Bill Yarborough; A Truth Inspired and Terrifying Tale of Child Abduction and Mind Control 

By Julie Sara Porter 
Bookworm Reviews 

Spoilers: Of the human experimentations,  one of  the most enigmatic, controversial, and infamous (and that’s saying a lot) is undoubtedly MKUltra. It was designed by the CIA, lasted from 1953-1973, and was a series of experiments that used numerous methods, such as psychoactive drugs, brainwashing, electroshocks, sensory deprivation, isolation, psychological manipulation, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, and torture, often on unsuspecting people who did not know that they were being experimented upon or if they did, what the studies were actually for. The goal was allegedly to develop and produce drug interrogations that could be used to weaken individuals and force confessions through brainwashing and torture.More than 80 institutions were involved including military, colleges and universities, hospitals, prisons, and pharmaceutical companies.There were many deaths connected to the project, most notably Frank Olson, a US Army biochemist and biological researcher. Olson was secretly given LSD without his knowledge or consent and died after falling from a 13th story window a week later. MKUltra was a blatant violation of human rights and revealed the CIA’s abuse of power, particularly with regards to withholding consent and an inability to uphold democratic principles.The project officially ended in 1973 and was revealed to the public in 1975. In 1977, a Freedom of Information Act request uncovered 20,000 documents related to MKUltra. Surviving information was declassified in 2001. 

Despite the declassification, there is plenty of speculation about many other experiments, methods, real goals, how far it reached, who was experimented on, and even more frightening whether it’s still going on. Some of it can’t be officially confirmed or verified but many first hand accounts and personal testimonies suggest that some of those theories might be more fact than fiction. Among those speculations are whether MKUltra targeted or experimented on children. There are no confirmed or definitive answers whether or not children were experimented on, though there are first hand testimonies from those who claim to have been child victims of MKUltra’s experimentation programs. One of those people is Bill Yarborough. He believes that he, his brother, and sister spent the summer of 1958 being experimented on for MKUltra, They blocked the memories out only to begin recalling them in the 1980s. Their experience was the inspiration for Yarborough’s semi autobiographical novel, Memories of MK-Ultra: A Journey of Discovery from Darkness to Deliverance.

Now it’s worth noting that even though Yarborough insists that the kernel of his book that he and his siblings were part of an MKUltra experiment is true, the book is not actually about them. It is only based on them and is considered a work of fiction. The perspectives from doctors, researchers, and military personnel are speculated upon by Yarborough himself. Also he acknowledges that many of the esoteric themes and paranormal situations might have been triggered not by actual events but by trauma, drugs, and altered memories. Because of this, from this point forward, I will treat the book as fiction and refer to the context within the book itself for the remainder of this review. 

In 1958, Tommy Matthews, his sister, Beth, and brother, Curtis were kidnapped during a family vacation in Washington D.C. They spend several weeks being educated and monitored in a secret MKUltra facility by various personnel including Dr. Rudolf Holtzman, an expert on mind control. The children are subjected to sexual abuse, sensory deprivation, mind control, psychoactive drugs, extrasensory perception tests and various other tests. Even though the experiment only lasts for a few weeks and the children are eventually released to their parents, they are left seriously damaged well into adulthood, particularly Tommy. He develops a very aggressive and violent sex drive and mysterious outside forces influence him to one day become President of the United States. 

The book alternates between Tommy's perspective and Holtzman’s. Holtzman's chapters present detail by detail what exactly happened to the children during those weeks and the experiments are harrowing. They are prostituted by a pedophiliac soldier. The researchers create mental associations with actions such as putting a fear of death into Tommy if he fails in school. They use hypnosis and subliminal messages to make Beth see ghosts and spirits and brainwash and drug Curtis to the point that he can barely function as an adult. It's hard enough to imagine this treatment on adults but to picture it on children makes it ten times worse.

The experiments make one wonder whether the military and researchers even thought about the long term effects of what they were doing. Okay, they might have created people who could withstand torture or in the case of the book get elected into positions of power but they could just as easily have created people with extreme psychological disorders that might be unable to function within any society. Holtzman does consider these possibilities up to a point becoming a moral center in MKUltra, well sort of.

Holtzman questions some of the ill treatment and the means and motives of his colleagues, particularly those who had ties to the Nazi Party in Germany. However, he still allows the experimentation to happen and monitors the children's progress as though they were lab rats. He is also concerned with outside influences on the children particularly Shoney, an older boy who shows a protective big brotherly streak towards the Matthews children. Shoney becomes their only link to the outside world and the closest thing to a positive parental figure that they have during that time and one would argue even afterwards since their parents are ultimately found wanting. 
Holtzman cares about the children, but is threatened by Shoney’s bond with them.

The impact of the experiments is felt even after the children return to their parents and into their school days. It makes their mark forever and shapes them into adulthood. Tommy in particular is affected by the expectations set on him by his parents and the researchers. The fear of failure equated with death causes him to become an overachiever throughout school and conjure up paranoid delusions about authority figures. He also has very aggressive sexual impulses connected to violent images and news. Energetic fast paced music connects him to his ambitious side and future goals. All of these associations and connections lead to him becoming an ambitious political figure one who will lead, connive, conspire and if that doesn't work destroy everything around him to fulfill his vision.

While Tommy's path is set towards outside ambitions, Beth’s is more set towards the mystical and otherworldly thanks to MKUltra’s tests on remote viewing and astral projection. A literate and creative girl, she became tormented by visions of aliens and ghosts that she sees out of the corner of her eye and very vivid dreams of other worlds. Beth rebels against her parents and in the late 60’s walks the hippy path. She constantly looks to different religions such as Christianity, Occult, and New Age practices for spiritual validation. Her mystical experiences inspire her to become a best selling Science Fiction author and study hypnosis to retrieve her and her brothers’ memories.

Even though Beth and Tommy were traumatized by MKUltra, they are still able to function as adults and carve out something resembling lives of their own despite the ill treatment. They are shaped but not entirely beaten. The same could not be said for Curtis making his story the most traumatic of all. He obtains a fascination for masculine and virile images of superheroes and larger than life performers like John Wayne inspiring him to become an actor and stuntman. However, inside his masculine and virile exterior is a frightened little boy. Of the three siblings, Curtis has the hardest time adjusting to the outside world and is tormented by visual and auditory hallucinations and paranoid violent delusions. He ends up institutionalized under Tommy's care. 

Three children were used, abused, and betrayed and became completely damaged, programmed, disturbed, and ruined as adults. All because of a secret government project that led to decades of distrust, suspicion, violence, and insanity, destroyed many lives, and ultimately proved nothing. 








Saturday, July 8, 2023

Weekly Reader: Semicolon: Life Goes On From A Different Perspective: Living With Purpose by A.P. Aristeiguieta; Captivating Spiritual Journey Into Deep Emotion, Strong Friendships, and Lucid Dreams




 Weekly Reader: Semicolon: Life Goes On From A Different Perspective: Living With Purpose by A.P. Aristeiguieta; Captivating Spiritual Journey Into Deep Emotion, Strong Friendships, and Lucid Dreams

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews


Spoilers: Is it too early to pick a potential favorite book of 2023 because I found a contender?


Semicolon Life Goes On From A Different Perspective Living With Purpose by A.P. Aristeiguieta is a captivating, lyrical, and spiritual book that tells a fantastic story about loneliness, depression, and friendship. 

Semicolon is not unlike some of my other favorite books in the past like Imajica by Clive Barker, Melia in Foreverland by Thomas Milhorat, The Thursday Next Series by Jasper Fforde, A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle, The Neverending Story by Michael Ende, The Unseen Blossom by Zlaikha Y Samad and L'mere Younossi, The Enchanted World Series, Tales From The Hinterland by Melissa Albert, The Bookbinder's Daughter by Jessica Thorne, Kaleidoscopic Shades Within Black Eternity by David A Neuman, Merchants of Knowledge and Magic by Erika McCorkle, and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass). It's a book that is thought about, felt, and lived in as much as it is read.


According to the Introduction, this is somewhat based on a true story, a semiautobiographical novel or a literary nonfiction, on incidents from Aristeiguieta's past. Aristeiguieta's author surrogate is Amy, a teenager who has been hospitalized.  One night, she sees a little boy, Tito, standing by her bed and who appears to be a friendly spirit of some sort.

Amy is released and after a while, her parents send her to a boarding school in Mexico. At the airport, she meets Alberto, a talkative teen about her age who is heading for the same destination and quickly becomes an intelligent and very odd friend to her.


Semicolon is a book that asks as many questions as it provides answers, allowing those to explore their own inner conclusions about what they experienced. It is both thought provoking and visceral at the same time.


The book's excellence starts with its protagonist. While books about troubled teens are nothing new, Aristeiguieta takes great care to capture a young brilliant but fractured mind on the verge of falling into existential loneliness and emotional numbness.


At first, there are some hints about the cause of Amy's hospitalization but we aren't told anything definite until later. She lays in the hospital bed thinking about how she got there. She was someone who felt invisible and lived inside her own head. (What depressed, lonely, imaginative kid hasn't felt that way? Heck what depressed, lonely, imaginative, adult still doesn't feel that way?) One day, she wanted to end those feelings and attempted to take her own life. 

She also reflects that even during her hospitalization, her frequently arguing parents couldn't stop blaming each other, throwing herself even further into despair. She finds no comfort in outside existence so she retreated into her own solitude but when even that failed to soothe her, she decided to kill herself instead.


 This is a very accurate description of long term depression that someone feels when their usual escapes and coping mechanisms no longer work. After all, you can read, watch TV or stream videos, or play games all day. But eventually the book will close, the credits will roll, and the game will be over, and the real world unfortunately has to be lived in.


Tito and Alberto act as sort of spirit guides towards Amy. Throughout the book, Tito leads Amy through various astral projections and lucid dreams to see different views of the world around her. She travels through moments and memories that aren't just hers but belong to other people and recognizes different parts of herself that she thought were long gone.

In the hospital, he astrally takes her out of her room to observe her family, other patients, and their concerned friends and family members. She is able to connect with others in a way that is greater than what she has felt in a long time. Tito is able to open up a warmer part of Amy's personality that still exists underneath the sadness and depression. Later, Tito takes her to a park where there are balloons and a party. This opens up the youthful childlike side of her as a counter to the cynicism that she has developed.


While Tito helps Amy, his appearance does not suddenly solve all of Amy's problems. Her parents send her to the boarding school, partly because they are concerned that she may try to attempt suicide again but also so their arguing and eventual separation does not affect her fragile state. At the school, she is just as isolated as she was at her old one. Luckily, Alberto, the boy that she met at the airport, attends the same school and instantly becomes her closest friend.


Alberto serves a different purpose for Amy than Tito. One could compare Amy's time in the hospital to her being reborn. When she meets Tito, she is like a child and children often communicate with pictures, simple words, and concepts like "love," "fun," and "happy." 

When she goes to the school, Amy re-enters her teen stage. Teenagers are full of questions, confused about the world and their identity, and struggling to understand it. Alberto helps her in that respect.


Alberto is a more human presence than the ethereal Tito. While he is an actual human (possibly), he is very intellectual and intuitive. He asks Amy provocative questions about her beliefs and experiences and shares his own views. He is someone with a deep faith in Judaism but is also open to other spiritual practices like the concepts of lucid dreams and visions and the existence of parallel dimensions. He's like a Teen Guru advising Amy intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

He guides Amy into putting her time with Tito into words and discovering what it could actually mean. 


It is very refreshing that even though Amy and Alberto become close, they do not develop a romance. Aristeiguieta was wise to avoid this because it shows that there can be great value in platonic friendship and that two people, even teenagers, can find connections that are built on mutual trust and care and not necessarily on lust. In developing her friendships with Tito and Alberto, Amy is able to understand her relationships with others like her parents and learn more about herself, maybe even love herself. 


Semicolon is a punctuation symbol that joins two independent clauses without using a coordinating conjunction like and. That's what this book is about, joining independent clauses: things that shouldn't exist at once but somehow do. Things like life and death, dreams and reality, sleep and awake, emotion and thought, dark and light, and childhood and adolescence. They're like Yin and Yang, divided they make separate halves and different sections of a story. When they join together, united, they make a whole picture and story. 


Through her dreams of Tito and her conversations with Alberto, Amy goes on a metaphysical journey by means of astral projection, parallel dimension travel, and lucid dreams to show her a deeper world of love, hope, and the power of one's mind and spirit. 

Whether this book is literally or metaphorically true, it is a powerful account of the mind, heart, soul, and spirit.