Weekly Reader: Mysterious Aisles (The South Hertling Chronicles Book 1) by B.G. Hilton; Hilarious Send Up of Superheroes, Ghosts, Conspiracy Theories, and Stores That Are Actually the Den of Evil

 

Weekly Reader: Mysterious Aisles (The South Hertling Chronicles Book 1) by B.G. Hilton; Hilarious Send Up of Superheroes, Ghosts, Conspiracy Theories, and Stores That Are Actually the Den of Evil

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: Last year, I thought that Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys by B.G. Hilton was one of the craziest, weirdest novels that I ever read. A Steampunk Science Fiction Adventure novel, it had a madman who wanted to destroy the moon, bat and badger like aliens living on Earth and assimilated into typical English citizens, Irish pirates ready to take out English nobility, a stage magician with a wand that had real magical powers, and a dowager noblewoman who used her nobility as a secret identity for her real self as one of Britain's most renowned crime stoppers.

Now, having read Hilton's Mysterious Aisles (The South Hertling Chronicles Book 1), I have come to realize that Champagne Charlie and the Amazing Gladys was simply the warm up act. Mysterious Aisles dials up the crazy, weird, bizarre, and silly up to eleven. This book is brimming with supervillains and heroes, drunken ghosts, demigods, conspiracy theorists, magic portals, and a store that is actually a den of all evil.

 Refrain from the obvious (and somewhat accurate) Wal-Mart and Amazon jokes. For once, it isn't about them.

If you peer close enough and I'm talking with a magnifying glass peering very very closely, you might find a coherent plot in this book. At least in all of the madness in Champagne Charlie and the Amazing Gladys, there is something of an actual engaging and suspenseful story involved. With Mysterious Aisles, it's more of a string of random weirdness, one silly goofy event and character after another that gets sillier and goofier as the book continues. By the end, I expected The Colonel from Monty Python's Flying Circus to show up, break the fourth wall, and say this book is too silly.

But plot is not what we come for in these books. We come for the funny and the weird. That's what this book delivers. Boy, does it deliver.

The main protagonist of Mysterious Aisles is Axel Platzoff, AKA Professor Devistato, a retired supervillain. His days of plotting world domination are over and now he works at the Handy Pavilion, a hardware and outdoor enthusiast store. Unfortunately, Axel's customers include Captain Stellar, Axel's former archenemy who is now going into maudlin detail after his boyfriend dumped him. Stellar and Axel's relationship is less of a villain/ hero and more like two acquaintances turned reluctant friends who see each other and bicker all the time. It's similar to the animated series, The Venture Bros which also shows superheroes and villains having reluctant friendships with each other when off the clock or during retirement. 

Besides Axel, Handy Pavilion is also staffed by other specimens of weirdness. There's Laura, a new hire, who after an accident becomes the new superhero on the block. Bruce, a former contractor, who now haunts the store as a ghost, a drunk foul-mouthed ghost. Zorbar Ofthechimps, a staff member, was raised by chimps. Gwen Harper has a magical connection to wood. Angela and Sadie McGregor, twins who take the good twin/bad twin dichotomy to the next level. Buck Dusty, a wannabe cowboy, works in power tools and has a lot of knowledge of different dimensions. Karl Wintergreen, owner of a nearby stationary shop, writes a business newsletter that is actually filled with his conspiracy theories about the Illuminati and the Trilateral Commission. Norman, a young employee, has divine family connections. Seamus, a garden gnome, comes to life during the full moon. Nalda, a killer cyborg from the future, works in Arts and Crafts. Did I mention this store was weird?

Besides the weirdness within, there's also weirdness outside. Handy Pavilion is in frequent rivalry with the nearby DIY Barn. Rather than the conventional means like sales, business acquisition, and better advertising, this corporate rivalry is more like war between countries. The stores resort to such means as kidnapping and explosions to cut the competition.

 It turns out that DIY Barn is actually DIY Evil because it apparently is a trans-dimensional portal that welcomes evil  demons, spirits, and  so on. Handy Pavilion has to battle for more than just awesome savings and friendly customers. They have to battle for souls.

Both DIY and Handy have their go to person to commit the nastier deeds. DIY has the Phantasm, a mysterious figure (who ends up being not really that mysterious)  who covertly spies on and sabotages the Handy Pavilion staff (though really not that covertly).  Many of Handy's more ruthless endeavors are overseen by Axel, who even though he is officially retired from the supervillain game, is glad to put his talents to good or bad use.

Mysterious Aisles is a book that has a joke on just about every chapter and page. Some don't make sense and don't have to. They just have to be very funny and they are. It's the kind of book where when Handy Pavilion needs the assistance of a plumber, two somewhat familiar characters appear. Two sisters named Maria and Luigina. I said somewhat familiar. 

We also learn that Norman is the most recent child of Zeus. Isn't it nice to know after thousands of years, the king of the Greek gods still can't keep it in his robe? All of these character traits add to the overall humor.

There are also hilarious interactions between characters. When Stellar is drunk and heartbroken about his recent breakup, Axel comes up to him and the two act less like opposite sides of good vs. evil and more like the last two guys to exit the bar during last call.

My favorite interaction is Karl's Newsletters which are supposed to mostly be accounts of local business news and sales but are really just platforms for his craziest conspiracy theories that are then edited and mostly redacted by Claudia, his hapless editor. Karl and Claudia's war of words is uproarious particularly when Karl personally insults her and she comments "Redact this!" Then she leaves a particularly damning accusatory conspiracy theory in just so she can sit back and see what happens.

Then there are the moments that mock the entire plot and the conventions of the genre that this book is in.

One character goes into an overly long diatribe about how the store rivalry is only a small part in a larger plan. Unfortunately, this character's rambling is so boring and confusing that the others (and the narration) lose interest. Something tells me that come Book 2, they are going to wish that they had paid attention.

Mysterious Aisles is what it is. It's crazy, weird, and hilarious. It's not to be taken seriously. Just taken with a good sense of humor and a huge pound of salt. You're going to need them. 

Weekly Reader: Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys by B.G. Hilton; Steampunk Science Fiction Delivers Crazy Good Fun

 Weekly Reader: Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys by B.G. Hilton; Steampunk Science Fiction Delivers Crazy Good Fun

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: B.G. Hilton's historical fiction novel, Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys is sort of what would happen if a Steampunk Convention spilled all over the place. There are top hats, goggles, gears, telescopes, 19th century costumes, early aircraft, submarines, hot air balloons, mad scientists, illusionists, music hall performers, amateur noble detectives, and aliens from the Moon and Jupiter everywhere as far as the eye can read. It's a cornucopia of Victorian Adventure Steampunk fun. It flies off the rails and things get extremely crazy but it's one of the most enjoyable books that I read this year.

Edward "Champagne Charlie" DeCharles is the son of Admiral DeCharles late of the Royal British Navy and his wife, a society matron with a colorful past. On one of his nights out of carousing and drinking, Charlie strikes up a conversation with the hansom cab driver who later that night turns up murdered. Charlie takes it upon himself to investigate the murder.

Meanwhile, "The Amazing" Gladys Dunchurch, a magician's assistant's boss, Abu bin Abdulla, better known by his real name, Gruffydd Pritchard, is missing. It might have something to do with his wand which both Gladys and Gruffydd insist is really magical. 

After that, well, it gets a bit complicated to explain. Just that there are Irish pirates, an insane nobleman who wants to destroy the moon, and space aliens who look like a combination of humans and bats get involved. Charlie and Gladys team up for their separate investigations which actually end up tied together while being caught in the middle of all of this oddball weirdness.

This book is extremely crazy like Hilton wanted to throw as many plot points and tropes into the book to see what sticks. It should be a mess but somehow it works together. The messy convoluted plot adds to the charm and oddity to the book. It echoes the Victorian Adventure Novels of the era so effectively that one could swear it was written then. Remember the books like Around the World in 80 Days, War of the Worlds, Lost World, The OZ books, and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland are pretty out there. Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys fits right in with those works perfectly.

The book is a great read with a lot of thrilling exciting details. It's the type of book where a priest joins in interrogating a kidnap victim. Sounds like a typical suspense until he flexes his bat wings and you remember what a weird world that you are reading about.

The book is filled with such touches like when an aristocrat monologues about his plan to destroy the moon. Of course logic dictates that would be impossible during the time period. (Not to mention how such a conquest would destroy the lunar cycle, weather, and result in the deaths of billions on Earth.) But evil villains bent on destruction don't exactly think logically about their plans do they? 

Much of the book involves the strangest stories spread during the Victorian Era. For example, the subplot involving Bats and Badgers like aliens actually was inspired by an article which described aliens on the moon that looked like badgers and bats. The article went viral but was later proven to be a forgery. 

Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys is written to be the good kind of weird reading where the plot makes it seem like it could have happened in history. You just missed reading about it in school

Part of the reason that the book works so well is the lead characters. Charlie and Gladys have a winning relationship that develops throughout the strangeness. Despite being surrounded by odd plot developments, they are written so believable like these things happen to them all the time. A day flying on an early biplane to face pirates bent on taking Ireland from the English and stopping alien Bats and Badgers from conquering England is just a typical Tuesday for them.

Charlie and Gladys are on opposite sides of the economic scale. Charlie is a titled nobleman surrounded by wealth and privilege. Gladys is an Australian immigrant who would rather work in the Halls than accept the few menial jobs that a poor woman could do in the 19th century such as service. 

The duo get into arguments but build a friendship that builds on their strengths. Charlie may be as much of an upper class twit as Bertie Wooster but like Bertie, he has a large heart. How many aristocrats would go through such trouble to find the murderer of a cab driver? 

Gladys hasn't had as many advantages as Charlie has and they contribute to her cynical mistrustful nature. She has been held back by her illiteracy, but she is a brilliant woman whose sheer gutsiness and observational skill contrast with Charlie's kindness and connections to higher circles.

Refreshingly, Charlie and Gladys do not become a romantic couple. In fact they get involved with other people (both also good characters in their own right). They are more like a brother and sister which adds to their constant teasing but eventually loyal repartee. 

Besides the plot and characters, the theme of illusion plays a strong part in the book adding to the strangeness. Magic and science fiction combine as if they were the same energy, which technically they are. The science aspects are technological in a way that an old novel or sci fi movie are. That's why Gruffydd's wand proves to be necessary to the Bats and ultimately to the mission. Energy is energy and whether it's science or magic works. It's part of the illusion that science can be mistaken for magic and vice versa.

The constant theme of illusion runs throughout the book where no one is what they seem. The Bats and other aliens disguise themselves as typical English citizens, some more successfully than others.  One of the characters was an amateur detective and has settled into upper class respectability. 

As part of his magic career the Welsh Gruffydd assumes the role of a Middle Eastern sorcerer, Abu bin Abdullah. This is no doubt based on William Ellsworth Robinson, a white English stage magician that pretended to be a Chinese sorcerer, Chung Ling Soo, who died onstage during the bullet catching trick (which involved him catching a bullet with his teeth-gee I wonder what went wrong?). 

 Gruffydd hiding his ethnicity and sexuality (he is gay and has clandestine affairs with men) adds to the characters pretending to be something that they are not.

Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys is a great book with a bizarre plot, great characters, and a winning theme. Combined these facets make it just like Gladys, amazing.