The War on Love And My Ex-Mother God Who Became a Mummified Corpse by Andrew-Ryan Profaci; A Powerful Memoir About Cults, Deification, and Love of Others and Oneself

 The War on Love And My Ex-Mother God Who Became a Mummified Corpse by Andrew-Ryan Profaci; A Powerful Memoir About Cults, Deification, and Love of Others and Oneself 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

This review is also on Reedsy Discovery.

The Love Has Won cult is one of the most bizarre cults particularly with how it ended according to Andrew-Ryan Profaci’s expose, The War on Love And My Ex-Mother God Who Became a Mummified Corpse. 

To understand this book is to understand the cult itself, its leader Amy Carlson, its origins and its controversies. Between 2000-2007, Carlson became interested in New Age philosophy and participated in the Lightworker forums. There she met Robert Saltsgiver AKA Amerith WhiteEagle who introduced Carlson to paranormal phenomena and believed that she was divine. In late 2007, Carlson left her third husband, children, and her job as a McDonald’s manager in Dallas, Texas. She ceased contact with her family and left to join WhiteEagle in Colorado to form the Galactic Federation of Light, later known as Love Has Won. 

The Love Has Won cult did daily live streams on Youtube and even though Carlson had 12-20 members living with her in her Crestone,Colorado home at any given time, most of the members were contacted through social media. Their philosophies were an amalgam of New Age practices, elements from Abrahamic religions, conspiracy theories, and popular culture. One of their strongest tenets was the removal of ego to ascend into a pure spiritual being of love and energy. They believed that Carlson was the latest incarnation of a 19 billion year old being who gave birth to all of creation, whose other past lives included the queen of the fabled lost continent of Lemuria, Jesus, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, and Marilyn Monroe and that she would lead people into a mythical 5th Dimension. Carlson was called Mother God and she had a revolving door of lovers, including WhiteEagle (who left in 2014) and Profaci, each of whom took the title of Father God. Carlson believed that she could communicate with a number of deceased celebrities like Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, and Rodney Dangerfield. Love Has Won also spoke of concepts like Atlantis, Anunnaki, and Reptilians. 

While most of their beliefs seem bizarre and outlandish, but mostly harmless, they also developed more hateful and violent rhetoric especially before Carlson’s death in 2021. They were believers in the now debunked QAnon conspiracy theory that there was a secret cabal of Liberal Democrats who abducted children, sacrificed them, sucked on their adrenochrome to preserve their youth, whose main hideout was the basement of the Comet Ping Pong Pizza Parlor in Washington DC (a pizza parlor which doesn’t have a basement nor any known ties to any conspiracy whatsoever), and that Donald Trump secretly led a fight against them. Bitterly ironic considering the recent implications with plenty of eyewitness accounts and evidence that Trump himself was engaged in pedophilia with disgraced and deceased financier Jeffrey Epstein and his henchwoman Ghislaine Maxwell. Love Has Won also believed other conspiracy theories such as that COVID 19 and the Sandy Hook school shooting massacre were hoaxes, and in 9/11 and Holocaust denials. They followed many racist and antisemitic tenets such as the Great Replacement Theory, globalist cabals, and support for Adolf Hitler.

The cult faced allegations from ex-members citing practices like physical abuse, sleep deprivation and mental torture. Despite having a zero tolerance policy for drugs and alcohol, Carlson was frequently intoxicated and addicted herself. The group travelled between Colorado, Oregon, California, Florida, and Hawaii between 2018-2021. Carlson was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and due to the cult’s caveat against doctors, her worshippers refused to send her to the hospital or get her medical treatment. She was last seen in public on April 10, 2021 and is believed to have died on April 28, 2021.

Carlson’s mummified corpse was discovered in the mission house near Crestone. She was found in a sleeping bag wrapped in Christmas lights and her face was covered in glitter as a makeshift shrine. The state of decay revealed that she had been dead for weeks. Seven members were charged with abuse of a corpse and child abuse because there were two children in the compound. The members revealed that Carlson consumed colloidal silver which the cult promoted as a cure for COVID-19 and resulted in her having an emaciated frame, thinning hair, and blue-gray discoloration on her skin. Her cause of death was reported as “global decline in the setting of alcohol abuse, anorexia, and chronic colloidal silver ingestion.” After her death, remaining cult members separated and formed splinter groups including Joy Rains and 5D Full Disclosure. 

The story of Love Has Won itself is a twisted tale of divine worship, mental manipulation, and belief gone horribly wrong. Profaci’s memoir takes us inside a personal journey into a cult and specifically their leader whom he felt equal parts fascination, fear, love, and loathing.

Profaci lived a life marked by loss and endless searching. A tempestuous divorce and custody battle put him and his brothers in the hands of their father who had a criminal history. Profaci’s nights were as rocked with tension as his days when even as a child he was awakened by hypnopompic hallucinations of dark creatures standing at the foot of his bed. These incidents caused years of sleep disorders and a belief in the paranormal, supernatural, and conspiracy theories. This and his father’s neglect and escalating verbal abuse led to Profaci feeling lost, insecure, and curiosity about the deeper issues like his place in the world.His teenage years were rocked with criminal activity, being almost molested by a pedophile, and getting involved in a fatal car accident. He fell even further down the spiral and became addicted to painkillers. A person facing addiction, trauma, insecurities, depression, openness to ethereal and terrifying paranormal experiences, and existential quests for meaning is a perfect candidate for culthood and Profaci was no exception.

 A search down various spiritual paths, communicating with gurus, reading New Age books, and exploring believer websites, and message boards led him right to Amy Carlson, The Mother God. Profaci was attracted to Carlson’s youthful exuberance, enchanting charisma, mystical beliefs, and the two struck up a correspondence and friendship. He paid for and attended online sessions with Carlson and her group and became aware of signs around him that at the time seemed supernatural. After a job loss, he decided to go see Carlson in person.

Profaci’s memoirs are notable because of what they include but also what they leave out. Profaci left the group long before Love Has Won got involved with QAnon and focused on conspiracy theories, antisemitism, and racism. He only heard about those second hand after communicating with other ex-members. He also was a witness primarily to verbal abuse and the occasional physical abuse but was no longer a member during the torture sessions. Above all, he cut ties with Love Has Won completely by 2021 and was in the hospital for chemotherapy when he heard about Carlson’s death and display of her mummified corpse. Because of this Love Has Won is seen strictly through his eyes and personal experiences. It leaves out many parts to the story, most notably the most newsmaking, graphic, and sensationalistic aspects. 

What remains is a deeply personal human story about how one person is drawn into a cult but most importantly what keeps them there after all common sense should have told them to leave. In Profaci’s case, it boils down to a simple reason. He was in love with its leader. Their first face-to-face meeting illustrates this point. Profaci expected the warm, empathetic, wise, enthusiastic, charming guru with whom he communicated online. What he got instead was a fragile, sickly, intoxicated woman half asleep and fallen over in drunkenness. He suspected then and there that Carlson was a fraud but his empathy for this woman in her shattered state compelled him to remain.

There is considerable doubt whether Profaci ever believed in Love Has Won’s philosophies or not. Most of the time, he comes across as a detached deadpan snarker. Recalling his decision to remain with Love Has Won despite his disastrous first meeting with the presumed Mother God, Profaci writes, “I didn’t know how far this ‘awakening’ would push me or how much of myself I’d have to lose just to keep up. But I knew one thing: This path does not offer refunds. You paid with your soul or turned back empty-handed. So I paid.”

When Carlson declared Profaci to be her lover and latest Father God, he was nonplussed and did not look at this promotion with honor. Recalling the previous Father Gods who came and went before him, Profaci wondered, “What did that make me? Father God #3? 4? 5?”

What stands out the most in this book is Profaci’s devotion to Carlson herself not to her Mother God persona but to Amy, the human woman who was just as lost and just as confused as he was, built a spiritual path to find her solutions, and got swept up in her own delusions.

Profaci’s empathy for his leader is most prominent during the frequent power struggles among members. A compelling conflict involved Profaci and another member KG who slowly climbed the ranks to become a Healer and part of a threesome with Carlson and Profaci. 

After KG’s ascension, the cult’s forums became flooded with messages from divine beings called Quantums. Through KG’s encouragement, Carlson believed the Quantums were real and began to rely on their unquestionable authority. As the group’s online conversations with the Quantums increased so did their claims and personalities. One of the Quantums claimed to be Robin Williams and Carlson actually claimed to represent Williams through visions and meditations. 

The book The War on Love includes transcripts of the conversations between the Quantum Beings and Love Has Won members. It’s perfectly clear that they, specifically Carlson, were in the grips of a widespread delusion and were willing to follow it through to the end. The irony that the leader of one delusion can be so swept up in a completely separate one cannot be understated. Sometimes the most manipulative can be the most easily manipulated by others. It shows how the assistants learn from and surpass the master in cruelty.

That’s what happened between Carlson and the Quantum Beings. Profaci had doubts about the whole experience. At first he wanted to give the Quantums the benefit of the doubt, however inconsistencies in their teachings and Carlson’s reliance on KG to facilitate the conversations with them aroused his suspicions. After some investigation and soul searching, Profaci revealed the truth that KG completely fabricated the Quantum’s existence and communications in an attempt to seize power within the cult. 

The Quantum Account is important to Profaci’s involvement with Love Has Won for many reasons. Among them is that it shows Profaci’s inner conflict between his doubts about cult doctrine and protective affection for Carlson. As Carlson came to terms with KG’s deception, Profaci comforted her. He almost broke her from her Mother God delusion to accept herself as Amy. He saw the glimpses of the real woman underneath the mask of confidence and alleged divinity and tried to convince her to accept and love her real self. Unfortunately, other members had private conversations with her and the mask slipped back on and firmly stayed on. The vulnerable woman that Profaci was anxious about was replaced by the remote and unapproachable Mother God and Profaci was not going to get her back.

It also was one of the first incidents that caused doubts about the cult and led to Profaci’s abandonment of them. Eventually those doubts would increase as Carlson insisted that he was full of ego. Any question of authority, any slight infraction, any disagreement was seen as ego and selfishness getting in the way. However, Profaci became aware of the hypocrisy of her words when the whole cult was built on her ego that said that she was the Mother of All Creation and Love Incarnate. Eventually, Profaci could no longer reconcile his concern for Carlson with his criticisms for Love Has Won. Disillusioned, Profaci eventually left the cult and his former girlfriend/guru behind.

Profaci never writes Carlson as a manipulator, con artist, or someone who wanted to fool innocent victims solely for financial gains. The monetary benefits were there and she clearly enjoyed her rule over innocent people but Profaci also saw someone who was in serious need of love, acceptance, and belonging. In fact, he saw Carlson as someone who genuinely wanted to believe that she was who she said she was. She repeated her claims of being a Mother God so often that she thought that they were true. It was a means of gaining some psychological and spiritual hold and control in her life. Her dangerous ego pushed her into a dark path that she created but could no longer separate from. By the end, there was no division between Amy Carlson and Mother God. She became the illusion that she created and fell in love with it. 

Profaci’s book is a profound look at love. His love for Amy Carlson kept him in a dangerous place, but it was his discovery of love for himself that broke him out and set him free.

Justified Anger by Jennifer Colne; Sobering Account of the Effects of Molestation and Incest on a Family

 Justified Anger by Jennifer Colne; Sobering Account of the Effects of Molestation and Incest on a Family 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Spoilers: It can be difficult for a family when one of their members is the victim of a crime. Sometimes the crime affects more than just the one who was hurt. It can affect everyone around them and fill them with feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, trauma, denial, and activism. Worse than that would be if the perpetrator was a family member as well. The actions and consequences can split a family apart as they take sides.

That is the situation faced by Jennifer Colne in her memoir, Justified Anger. This is a sobering, and unnerving book about the effects of child molestation and incest on her family.

Colne begins her book describing the troubles facing her daughters in 2001 when her eldest Katherine had been hospitalized for mental health problems and her younger daughter, Emma, lost custody of her children in a draining court battle with her abusive ex. This custody fight would lead to Emma being hospitalized as well after a suicide attempt and severe flashbacks. During one of these flashbacks Emma revealed that she was raped by her Uncle David. Later Katherine confessed that the same thing happened to her. David was arrested and charged with counts of rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault. Unfortunately that's not the end of the story. Emma was convinced that she was blocking something from her mind. After a few years and a second marriage, Emma remembered what it was. She was not only raped and molested by her Uncle but by her father, Steve as well.

Colne’s intense descriptions of her daughters' abuse and the aftermath including their fractured mental states reach into the Reader’s souls and understand the pain that this family went through and in many ways are still going through. The abusers left their marks leaving their victims in fragile states unable to cope with many of the stresses in their lives. 

It wasn't just the initial crime of sexual assault that made David and Steve monsters. It was the continuous after effects that created a lifetime of trauma from two innocent girls who were hurt by men that they should have trusted to protect and love them. Katherine and Emma suffered physical, mental, and emotional scars that never fully healed as they got older. They were in tears, raged, and engaged in self harm and addictive behaviors. 

One of the most painful chapters occurs years later when Emma, surrounded by her mother, children, and husband, regresses to a childlike state. Her memories of her childhood were muddled with those of her children. She couldn't separate the past from the present, referred to people in her children's lives by names of people that she knew as a child, could not recall recent memories, or recognize her children in their photos. Skills that she was adept in like cooking became unknown to her. She regressed to a mental child in an adult body. Steve not only robbed his daughter of her childhood by molesting her. He and his brother in law robbed her of her adulthood by replacing a fulfilled life of a good career, happy marriage, secure home, loving children with one of terror, fractured mental states, impulsive dangerous behavior, and internal misery. 

David and especially Steve did more long term damage. They didn't just destroy Katherine and Emma. They broke apart their whole family. Even though the sisters were on the same side in accusing and charging David, they stood on opposite sides when it came to Steve. Colne supported Emma's account recalling earlier moments of sexual, verbal, and physical abuse that her former husband inflicted on her. That was more than Katherine did.

Katherine refused to accept that her own father raped her sister. She claimed that Emma was a liar and was trying to get attention. It is bizarre that a woman who had been sexually assaulted by one family member and developed emotional and psychological problems would not be more empathetic towards her sister who had been going through the same thing. Emma’s state clearly showed that she had been abused if not by their father then by somebody. But unlike her mother who recognized the signs and confirmed Emma's account, Katherine blatantly ignored them and defiantly venerated her father.

Katherine's denial might have been a means to protect herself psychologically and might have been understandable. But the volatile extremes that she went through to discredit Emma are less defensible. She not only purposely sided with her father but influenced other family members to do the same such as her and Emma's younger brother Colne's son, Liam and Emma's own estranged children. They cut not only Emma out of their lives but Colne as well removing themselves of a sister, niece, and mother but also a mother, aunt, and grandmother. 

We don't get any understanding of Katherine's transition from defender and fellow victim to antagonist because it is told by Colne and she clearly doesn't know either. There might be speculation from the Reader but nothing known or said. Instead, Katherine and the rest of Steve's defenders having so much vehement animosity towards his accusers can be seen as yet another crime that can be laid at Steve's feet.

Justified Anger is a realistic book about trauma. People don't always recover after one hospitalization or breakthrough. It sometimes takes many stays and they can exhibit the same behaviors for years and even decades afterwards. Sometimes perpetrators don't get the punishment that they deserve. Sometimes the story doesn't end with hugs and reconciliation. Sometimes it ends with making peace with oneself and that's how Colne ends her book. Her family is still broken. Emma may still have psychological problems. Katherine is still estranged from the rest of the family. But Colne and Emma have made peace with themselves and have strengthened their connections as mother and daughter.

For now, that's enough.

Chomp, Press, Pull by Elaina Battista-Parsons; Sensate Memoir About Sensory Issues

 

Chomp, Press, Pull by Elaina Battista-Parsons; Sensate Memoir About Sensory Issues

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews

This review is also on Reedsy Discovery 

Spoilers: Sensory dysregulation can be a very difficult condition to live with. The body has trouble processing and interpreting sensory information from the environment leading to unusual or uncomfortable responses. It can lead to oversensitivity or under sensitivity to stimuli and difficulty distinguishing different sensory inputs. The person with it could respond by having emotional meltdowns, anxiety attacks, motor coordination problems, and often avoiding certain environments or activities. It is caused by neurological disorders such as Autism, sensory processing disorder, developmental delays, trauma, and early life experiences. Occupational therapy, environmental modifications, sensory integration activities, and medication can be used to treat it. 

As with many neurological and psychological conditions, it is something that causes people to view the world differently but can be controlled or diminished if too overwhelming. Unfortunately, this was not always the case as Elaina Battista-Parsons reveals in her amusing and moving memoir, Chomp Press Pull. When she grew up in the 80’s, her condition was barely understood or treated. Battista-Parsons’s book is rich in personal experiences and sensory detail from someone who had to look at the world in her own way.

The Introduction gives us a compelling glimpse of what it's like for someone to live their daily life with such a condition. In 1995, Battista-Parsons sat in her classroom, sweated, and shifted uncomfortably because of the class’s heater. Despite her objections, the teacher wouldn't let her leave the room or open the window in January so she had to endure this miserable time in class growing ever more uncomfortable and barely paying attention to the dull lecture on Jack London.

When she was very young long before she was diagnosed, Battista-Parsons used a variety of means to deal with the sensory complications like chewing and biting on anything whether it was edible or not, pressing down hard on things such as crayons to paper, and pulling on objects like hair and string. She also had various comfort objects to hold and take comfort in their texture. Chief among them was a Mork doll from the sitcom, Mork and Mindy. Battista-Parsons carried Mork around so often that she referred to him as “(her) husband.”

Since Battista-Parsons spent much of her childhood in the 80’s, the book refers to many of the trends of the era. She describes banana clips on big hair, Swatch watches and neon bright colors, going to the mall, dancing to music videos like “So Emotional,” “Control,” and “Rhythm of the Night,” and scented merchandise. A delightful chapter is devoted to that favorite fad of many 80’s girls: scratch and sniff stickers. Battista-Parsons loved and collected them, probably because they gave off a nice smell that wasn't too overpowering for her. Among her favorites were plump strawberry, pizza slice, and two bananas. This chapter showed that despite her sensory difficulties, Battista-Parsons was able to find delight in things despite or even maybe because of these issues.

Because of her awareness of senses, Battista-Parsons associated senses with certain times and places. She had a love for apartments and sometimes stayed overnight at her grandmother's. The taste and smell of tomato sauce, garlic, oregano, braciola, and olive oil filled those days and reminded her of her grandmother's apartment and other small spaces. Small apartments and sheds gave her a sense of coziness that still resonates within her.

Battista-Parsons’ sensory dysregulation gave her the ability to focus on and be aware of people and things that others are not. While Christmas can be a fun time of togetherness, it was also a draining time. Her very large and noisy family’s voices were exuberant but cacophonous. The Christmas music was present and merged with the voices of her family. This is a reminder that not everyone processes events and places in the same way and although they might be having a good time, they can also feel anxious and overwhelmed. It takes great understanding, acceptance, and accommodation to live with such a condition for the person who has it and those who are near it.

As with many young people, Battista-Parsons explored the concept of sexuality, something that her body, particularly her senses, made her very aware of. She cites Billy Idol’s music video for “Cradle of Love” with its beautiful alluring female protagonist for introducing her to the concept of sex. She recognized the power that the girl had in the video over a male onlooker and that a female body can spark certain feelings and turn people on. The sight of “Cradle of Love” and other videos became gateways into Battista-Parsons ' understanding of sex which culminated in various dates and losing her virginity at 19. 

The book is a cornucopia of associating senses with past interests and experiences. She associated linoleum floors and Hela Young reciting lottery numbers on television with her family room. Her father’s green tree air freshener made her nauseous. Though he told her that she would be fine, he took her to the nearby hardware store where sawdust and cedar wood were a reliever from the artificial plastic odor from her dad’s car. The sight of figure skaters dressed in their beautiful costumes, skating on the cool ice impressed her enough to imitate them on the living room floor. The taste of sugar bubble gum recalled a babysitter who indulged her interest in the tasty treat. Her mother’s hands touched store fabrics with great care like they were the finest silk. The book is definitely about someone who had no choice but to experience the world strongly and share with others how it looked, smelled, heard, tasted, and felt to her. 

Even though the book is largely about how Battista-Parsons coped with sensory dysregulation throughout her life, that is not by any means her sole focus. She takes several opportunities to recall other important times through her life, many that any reader would relate to. She discusses familiar issues that many Readers understand like conflicts with her family, first crushes, and academic struggles with other kids and teachers. One whole chapter is devoted to many anecdotes that illustrate her various teacher’s specific sense triggers, and sometimes more objectionable behavior like telling bawdy jokes, groping and flirting with students, or dividing classrooms by gender or ability.

Her experience with her first love, Gregg, combines early romance with her sensory details. Gregg inspired her to enjoy various musicians, particularly female musicians but he became very possessive and jealous of her. Her overdeveloped sense of smell attracted her to his cologne and the wood in his parent’s house. Because she associated people with certain scents, she often caught the odor in other boy’s much to Gregg’s chagrin and lack of understanding towards her condition. After about a year, they broke up in the usual pattern of early boyfriends and girlfriends falling out of love as quickly as they fell in.

Battista-Parsons had brilliant clever ways of writing about her sensory issues. One whole chapter describes alphabetically some of the difficulties that her condition caused. Her arm hair felt uncomfortable so she constantly shaved it. Biting fingernails and cracking air pockets became sources of stress relief. Certain colors like green and gray were soothing while red was too overpowering. Anything as simple and innocuous to others like Play-Doh, dry lips, zippers, suitcases, lemons, and sandals could help or hinder her.

Identifying her condition, understanding the symptoms, and realizing that she was not the only one with such problems, helped Battista-Parsons learn about and treat her condition. She attributed many different techniques including Reiki and chiropractic methods as huge factors in helping her treat her sensory issues. She also holds no animosity towards her family for dismissing her problems. It was not discussed or identified much throughout her childhood and if medical professionals didn’t understand and study it, then her parents wouldn’t have been able to let alone herself. 

The chapters describing the research, diagnosis reveal how liberating it can be when you learn about a condition and how you can master it.

SOS Podcasts by Rosamaria Mancini; Gingered by Ryan G. Murphy; Two Hilarious Memoirs About Life, Love, Podcasts, and Red Hair

 

SOS Podcasts by Rosamaria Mancini; Gingered by Ryan G. Murphy; Two Hilarious Memoirs About Life, Love, Podcasts, and Red Hair

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Spoilers: Because I am very behind on my work, both this and the next review will feature two books with similar topics and themes.

When you want to laugh about life's daily routines and problems, you may want to turn to a memoir. Some deal with darker aspects and are dramatic as they discuss the author's struggles. Then there are some that discuss struggles with a smile, nod, and a chuckle or two. 

The books, SOS Podcasts by Rosamaria Mancini and Gingered by Ryan G. Murphy are the latter. They are hilarious memoirs about life, love, learning and communicating through social media, and living with the curse of having red hair.

SOS Podcasts is a lighthearted witty memoir about author Rosamaria Mancini’s life in Italy and Germany with a military husband, two young children, and a growing interest in listening to podcasts.

Mancini describes herself as “a big pain, a lot to deal with, and overbearing” and a born worrier. She attributes these traits to a life of constant change. She moved to Italy for a career in media where she married Marco, an electronics specialist in the Italian Air Force and had a young daughter. They moved to a NATO Base in Germany where Mancini gave birth to a son. 

In Germany, Mancini felt a tremendous culture shock. Since she came from an Italian-American family, she was able to adjust to life in Italy, speak the language, and adapt to the culture though she was mocked for her American ways and disliked many things about the country like the constant red tape. Her time in Germany however was a much more stressful situation. She was worried about the language, the cold weather, and the rumored preciseness and efficiency.

 To combat these anxieties, Mancini made sure her family stuck to various rules like wearing layers of sleep during a scheduled time. These rules, her overbearing nature, and difficulty in making new friends made Mancini a “fish so far out of water that (she) might as well be in the Gobi Desert." In her loneliness, Mancini made a new friend, one that became, as she described it “a new savior: Podcast.

Through podcasts, Mancini learned about important topics like femicide, wrongful convictions, climate change, immigration, student loan debt, and vaccination controversies. She learned about cooking and child care to help her with household responsibilities. She practiced prayer and meditation for stress relief. She got hooked on comedy and Fiction shows. Podcasts proved to be a source of education and information for Mancini.

There seemed to be a podcast for every occasion to help with Mancini’s various conflicts and questions. For example, she had trouble getting along with the other military wives. The podcast, Life Kits proved to be such a valuable source of comfort so much that Mancini considered its host, Julia Furlan, to be a friend.

Podcasts like the Pregnancy Podcast and The Birth Hour soothed any fears and answered any questions that Mancini had about her pregnancies. Podcasts like The Longest Shortest Time and Care and Feeding provided advice on parenting when she had difficulties raising two small children. Skimm This gave her a youthful perspective on popular culture and social trends. Dear Sugars helped her process her guilt and grief about her father's death. It seemed that any life change had a podcast to go with it.

Mancini also found podcasts that reflected or created various interests in her life. A beautiful chapter on Mancini and her family observing Christmas markets and traditions adds to her recommendation of Rick Steves Germany and Austria. Listening to cooking podcasts like La Scossapizza gave her a chance to get in touch with her Italian roots by preparing the cultural food. Mancini became fascinated by storytelling podcasts like Serial because of their ongoing serialized format.

Mancini has some recommendations for advice on spiritual and emotional well-being. Journeys of Faith with Paul Faris helped center her into her Catholic faith. While NPR’s Up First, BBC’s Global News, and New York Times’ The Daily are useful for the current news, The Good News Podcast is an antidote for lighter, hopeful, and more humanitarian stories. 

SOS Podcasts is a love letter from a woman to her favorite media source. It lets the Reader know that there is a podcast and a story for just about every feeling, activity, interest, and experience.

Gingered is a hilarious side splitting memoir about something that I am quite familiar with:  having red hair.

Ryan G. Murphy's red hair was an asset in his young years when he modeled for stock photos and acted in commercials and bit parts. Unfortunately when he began school, his hair became less of an advantage and was a means for other kids to bully him. This chapter reminds Readers that schoolchildren will find any reason, any excuse to pick at something different to ostracize and bully others.

Even as an adult Murphy still felt scrutinized because of his hair. Many strangers remarked on it. Girls refused to date him because of it. He is often asked if he is one of several red haired people such as Damien Lewis, Prince Harry, Ed Sheeran, or Kevin-”not a famous Kevin or anything. Just Kevin.”

Murphy had a colorful childhood with two doting parents and particularly his charming and conniving grandfather who created and sold bootlegged VHS. Much of Murphy's stories depict his loving relationship with his outrageous, impudent but devoted grandpa. 

Murphy goes through many of the milestones in a young person's life with a light comic touch. Things like first kiss (“Adult kissing is not really kissing at all. It's opening your mouth into someone else's mouth, wrestling your tongues and then spending the next few minutes wondering what the Hell you are supposed to do with your hands”), getting punished (“My Dad was angry three times when I was a kid”), getting into fights with other kids (“I was punched in the face on a Sunday. Punched in the ear if we are being specific.”), receiving sex education in a Catholic school (“They tried to scare the puberty out of us by guaranteeing that we'd all get AIDS then separated the boys and girls into different classrooms.”), attending high school (“High school was a lot like grammar school only with more penises.”), his first girlfriend (After he shaved his red hair, she gave him a baseball cap and he responded: “Even with only peach fuzz on top of my head, she still couldn't stand my red hair.”), college adventures (on taking three girls in a date to see Passion of the Christ: “The dinners were great. We got buzzed sipping on Bahamaritas-feeling all fancy and flirty-the perfect tone setter. Then Jesus had to ruin everything like always.”), finding a long term partner (He knew that his future wife, Pam, was The One after they quoted Zoolander to each other.), his difficulties with anger management (“When a UPS truck is chasing you at eighty miles an hour down the Staten Island Expressway, you start to evaluate your life choices.”)  

These universal milestones are individualized by Murphy's deft writing and witty observations. 

With red hair and a sharp wit, Murphy knows how to stand out in a crowd.

In The House of A Demon: A Memoir Book 1 by Tina Soctoy; Tension and Sense of Immediacy Fill Memoir About Kidnapping Victim

 

In The House of A Demon: A Memoir Book 1 by Tina Soctoy; Tension and Sense of Immediacy Fill Memoir About Kidnapping Victim

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Spoilers: Tina Soctoy’s Memoir, In the House of a Demon is probably the closest that many Readers will ever get to experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. It tells of a kidnapping through a survivor’s point of view with all of the tension and Immediacy that situation would provide.

When Soctoy was six years old, she was recruited to join a secret Soviet program to create child soldiers and spies. The book is set primarily within the first few months when she was held captive by a soldier named Sasha who molested and isolated her. Despite arguing and trying to escape, Soctoy eventually capitulated to her captors and became their willing pawn.

Throughout the book there is a sense of immediacy that puts us on the same level with Soctoy, the child. We are not given the particulars of her predicament within the text of the book itself, only in the "About the Author" section. In reading the book and not knowing the situation beforehand, the Reader is left uncertain who has Soctoy, for what purpose, what they are going to do to her, and when, if ever she will be free. We only see this situation through her terrified and confused six year old mind. 

She doesn’t know her captor’s names except one is called Sasha. The others are just the Men. We don’t know where she is being held except a few context clues suggest that it’s an isolated and wooded area. This adds to the overall suspense that we are kept in the same ignorance as Soctoy and can almost visualize ourselves looking upward at these larger men who overpower her.

Her captors are master manipulators. They appear nice one minute by giving her food or speaking in an almost tender tone of voice. Then the next minute they threaten her and her mother. This puts her in a false sense of security so she becomes obedient rather than do something that will change their moods. She is raped and then made to feel like she was willing to do it, so she will consider herself fallen and damaged beyond all repair. The sex is humiliating and a sign of dominance that says that Soctoy can’t even feel alone in the comfort of a bed. 

The captors also deceive her by promising that she will be reunited with her mother then put suspicion on her towards her parents. Since we aren’t given much background information, we are put in the same situation as Soctoy where we question her family’s loyalty as well. We wonder if Soctoy returns home, whether she will be put in a similar or worse situation than the one in which she is in.

Many times the dialogue and action between Soctoy and her captors get repetitive but it adds to Soctoy’s mental state. The more her captors repeat the same scenario over to her, the more Soctoy starts to believe it. Time and space are altered so she doesn’t know what day it is or how long that she has been there. Even basic facts like whether it is day or night are unknown to her. She becomes dependent on her captors to tell her anything. 

A few times Soctoy manages to fight her captivity by arguing and escaping but these become hollow victories. They always catch up to her and they use physical and psychological torture to silence her objections. The more that she remains with them, the less likely she is to run away. 

By the end, she is completely broken and is theirs to do whatever they want to her.

Soctoy wrote two more books about her young life. Maybe we will get more concrete answers to what happened to her, what the ultimate goal was, and what resulted from it. For now, we just received her six year old perspective and that was scary enough. The rest of the memoirs are bound to be even more horrifying. 

New Book Alert: Joy: The Art of Making Tofu An Autobiography by Simon Boreham; Heartwarming and Heartbreaking Book of Love, Loss, Grief, Joy, and Tofu

New Book Alert: Joy: The Art of Making Tofu An Autobiography by Simon Boreham; Heartwarming and Heartbreaking Book of Love, Loss, Grief, Joy, and Tofu

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews 

 Simon Boreham's memoirs, Joy: The Art of Making Tofu: An Autobiography is a lovely, moving, and heartbreaking and heartwarming book about Boreham's 59 year marriage to his wife, Dawn and her death in 2021. 

The book begins shortly after Dawn's death as Boreham wrote his memoirs. Even from the beginning, he wrote of the aching memories of going through a house and the things that he and Dawn once shared and suddenly carried many beautiful and painful memories. The white-framed mirror that was her favorite. The porcelain vase with a crack that they bought at their Greystones home in Torquay. The handbag that she took to the hospital. All things under normal circumstances might have been overlooked and ignored that now carry significance and emotional weight. This chapter alone carries Boreham's grief, sadness, and his loving happy memories in a few short pages.

Boreham recounts Dawn's death with her hospitalization from angina and the painful seemingly endless waiting with their children, Catherine and Jason especially because they couldn't be in the hospital room with her because of the pandemic. Boreham combines this with other memories such as when he and Dawn entered the restaurant business in the 1970's and '80's and when he wrote a poem called "The Crying Man." This effect of going from one memory to another even at one point switching the point of view to the second person talking specifically to Dawn is how a person's mind works when it goes through deep stress and grief. It flickers from one memory to another when the current situation becomes too painful and wanting the person to still be there. 

Boreham keeps his and Dawn's years alive through great recall and detail. He talks about his middle class upbringing with his parents, Sybil and Mike, moving through several countries because of his father's career at Barclays Bank. Sybil and Mike eventually settled in the U.K. in 1959 until her death from cancer in 1976. Their happy but doting marriage was a detriment because as Dawn pointed out, she couldn't live up to their expectations for their son so they rarely visited the couple. In fact after Sybil's death, Mike fell apart and moved to South Africa. Boreham writes them as a couple insulated by their reserve and love for each other and their son. It was admirable because it gave Boreham an example of a happy marriage, but they were still standoffish towards Dawn.

Boreham captures his childhood with multiple senses and delightful memories such as the various books that he and his mother read together, Sybil's perfume, his grandparent's tomato garden, Boreham's crush on Disney's Snow White, and his father carrying him after a dog bit him. He also writes about his time in a boarding school that was structured with rules, upperclassmen who teased the younger ones, and a few loyal friends. These memories depict a man with a nice childhood and sometimes difficult youth that filled him with knowledge, thoughts, encouragement, and security. Things that he aspired towards in his marriage. In fact, his main act of rebellion was moving to Canada in the early 60's only to return to a steady life.

In contrast, Dawn was a very opinionated young lady. The second of three children, she was considered her father's favorite. As compared to Boreham's parents, Dawn's parents got along with her husband. In fact, Boreham thought of his mother-in-law Elizabeth as a second mother. Elizabeth, called "Dizzy Lizzy," was something of a character who responded to her son in law's poems with letters decorated with matchstick cartoon characters. She actually had an affair with Boreham's father which continued after both their spouses died. While Boreham and Dawn outwardly supported it, they still felt uncomfortable. While not outright stated, Elizabeth's open hearted eccentric personality may have inspired her daughter's outspoken unconventional nature 

Instead of the private school upbringing of her husband, Dawn attended a Catholic state school. When a nun constantly berated her, Dawn pulled her wimple off. When her sister saw cane marks on Dawn's legs, she and her younger brother were pulled out of that school. This showed Dawn as the type of woman who was more forward in her personality than her reserved husband. It was a strange attraction of opposites that proved compatible for over five decades of marital happiness.

In 1962, Boreham met Dawn while he was working in the hospitality industry and she was a hotel receptionist. He remembered what she wore and where they went those passionate first weeks before he left on a misadventure in Germany. He returned to England and Dawn began a love affair that lasted 59 years.

He remembers Dawn being the type who initiated the emotional response, but letting Boreham think he was leading her. When he kissed her during their dating, Boreham realized that Dawn expected and wanted him to.

Dawn's spirit comes alive in her widower's writing. She was high spirited, sociable, outspoken, intuitive, strong willed, outgoing, and joyful. She loved jazz, dancing, flowers, experimental cooking, and occasionally horse betting, and drinking single malts while quoting Robert Burns. This is told by a man who is still in love with his wife even after she left this world. The sharp grief may recede and be pushed back at times but he will always remember who she was and what she meant to him.

The Boreham's experiences in parenthood contain moments of humor like when their son Jason swallowed a cupboard key and anxiety like when he had fragile health and needed heart and kidney operations during his infancy. Many parents would relate to these situations.The Boreham parents were able to pass their tremendous love for each other to their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

Besides the Boreham's marriage, this book is about their experience in the food business. Like many entrepreneurs, it took some time for the duo to find their niche. They went from a high-spend fish restaurant, to a steak and fish place. In 1989, two years after Boreham was let go of his job they purchased Dragonfly, an organic whole food manufacturing business. 

Their specialty was tofu which at the time was not widely made and sold except in family owned shops in Asia. The duo learned the hard way about the difficulties of making food by themselves without a factory and personnel. They found themselves quite busy making and delivering food only taking off for two weeks between Christmas and New Year's.

Boreham also writes of the toll that starting their own business worked on their marriage especially between two obstinate individuals who believed that they knew what was best. This is evident when after an argument, Dawn, fed up with her husband's high handedness, engaged in a one-woman strike and walkout leaving her husband to finish the clean up. After that he learned to accommodate her personality to his and that her solutions might be different but they weren't always wrong. Their time running Dragonfly helped strengthen their relationship by working towards a goal and implementing their diverse personalities to the end product.

Naturally the final chapters are filled with moments that tug at even the most immovable heart strings. Little moments are captured such as when they bought an antique turquoise pot that was too big to fit anywhere but Dawn just wanted to buy it anyway because the colors represented meaning and life. A pot that would eventually become the funeral urn to carry Dawn's ashes and was big enough to also hold the ashes of their late dog and Boreham when his time comes to be with them. Talk about meaning.

In the end, Boreham writes through his grief in keeping his wife's memory alive but still enjoying the life that he still has. He still can enjoy writing, and bonding with his children, grandchildren and great granddaughter, studying Eastern philosophy and other uplifting sources, and finding joy and happiness around him.

While Joy: The Art of Making Tofu is a sad book about grief and loss, it is also funny and moving as it tells of the memories of a happy marriage, and to find joy in not only those times but the remaining time that we have left.

Weekly Reader: The Cat With Three Passports by C.J. Fentiman; Sweet Travel Book With Plenty of Cat-itude

 

Weekly Reader: The Cat With Three Passports by C.J. Fentiman; Sweet Travel Book With Plenty of Cat-itude

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: As anyone who has a cat knows: cats are the true rulers of any household and we humans are simply their over glorified servants. How often do cats demand just that specific brand of cat food and turn their nose up at any other substitutes? How often do they swat their paws at any other pet that gets into their territory or give their humans  imperial stares to remind them who’s in charge? How often do cats turn their backs to be left alone but will sit on our laps or keyboards right at the most inopportune moments to get attention? My personal favorite is when a cat designates a specific human as their “Official Human Mattress” so they can sleep on them all night while their human servant underneath struggles to be comfortable with a five to ten pound weight laying on their hips or legs. Yes, cats are something else: independent, fussy, quirky, argumentative, but somehow lovable and adorable. 

C.J. Fentiman’s The Cat With Three Passports is a lovely book for any cat lover or owner uh I mean servant. It details Fentiman’s life in Japan when after a time of fruitless wandering and searching for meaning, she finds it in a new country with her partner and an excitable bundle of feline fur and nonstop energy.

Fentiman’s first time in Japan was in her mind a disaster. She and her partner, Ryan, were hired to teach English in one of the largest multi language schools in Osaka. What she hoped for was an opportunity to get to know the city, interact with students, and find some purpose. What she got instead was a dehumanized approach to education which lumped Fentiman with the other “Anglo” teachers, remote teaching without connecting with the students, and a school whose administration practically owned her time away from campus. Fentiman wrote that she and Ryan didn’t stay even a week before they packed their bags and returned to their native England. Unfortunately, Fentiman was beginning to realize that running away was a distinct pattern in her life from a troubled youth in England, to Australia, then to Japan. She realized that she wasn’t looking for something so much as she was constantly leaving at the first sign of trouble. 

As she describes it she and Ryan were “lured back to Japan by two cats.” Feeling guilty about leaving so quickly, Ryan and Fentiman found another opportunity to teach English in a more remote location Hida-Takayama, about 312 km north of Osaka. As if the fact that there would be more human interaction wasn’t enough of a draw, what really turned them around was the fact that their potential apartment was housed by two cats. The former owners had to leave and they couldn’t find anyone to take care of their small gray kittens, so Fentiman and Ryan found new teaching opportunities and two furry roommates named Iko and Niko (one and two in Japanese). Iko, the cuddler, and Niko, the timid one, made their human’s lives more colorful and friendlier as they adjusted to their new lives of working and living in a foreign country.

Iko and Niko were great companions and stress relievers for their humans. When Fentiman hit a rough patch in her teaching, she considered once again packing up and leaving but one look at those two precious faces gave her anchors to remain, smooth out the edges, and work alongside the students, staff, and community.

After she chose to remain in Hida-Takayama, Fentiman found another responsibility. Ryan rescued a small kitten from trying to cross a busy street. The couple took the little guy home and he became a permanent fixture in the household. The couple originally had a hard time introducing their new little friend to his future roommate and adjusting to the new apartment. At first the couple tried to lure him out with toys which he liked to play with but when they wanted to pet him, he hissed and scratched at them. It took about two weeks before he accepted his new human friends. They separated the cats letting them spend small amounts of time together so they could grow used to each other. The older cats at first hissed at him but grew accustomed to their new brother (or at least knew that bribing him meant food was present). The kitten accepted his new home and upon realizing that music soothed the tiny beast, Fentiman and Ryan named their newest fur baby Gershwin or G for short.

Gershwin may have adjusted to his new home, but he was not exactly the easiest cat to live with. Unlike the older and slower moving Iko and Niko, Gershwin was young, feisty, mischievous, and sometimes considered trouble on four legs. Many times, he would leap up and attack anyone who approached, earning the moniker “Ninja Attack Kitten.” He also wasn’t above attacking anything twice his size needing Fentiman and Ryan to discipline him. Fentiman wasn’t kidding when she described Gershwin as “kawaii” for cute but also “kowaii” for scary. Gershwin was a lot of both.

Their cat circle grew wider as they took in Takashi, a sickly kitten that they had examined for Feline HIV. Thankfully, Takashi didn't. The newcomer caught the cat flu and made a full recovery thanks to the care and devotion of the human companions.

The Cat With Three Passports is a great guide for anyone living with one or several cats, especially a sometimes troublesome cat who makes life “interesting” for the humans unfortunate enough to be caught up in their presence. It’s not exactly a guide for pet owners, but it does lead by example to show how a pair of loving pet owners loved and managed the felines in their lives. 

Besides a wonderful book about caring for and loving pets, it’s also a great travel book. Fentiman captures Japan’s natural beauty, customs, and technology . When they first arrived in Osaka, it was spring and the blossoms were present and fragrant. The flowers were such a part of the people’s lives that their football team was called The Blossoms. 

Fentiman and Ryan witnessed various festivals such as the Fertility Festival in which some create effigies of men's umm little friends. (Don't worry in keeping with Shinto's themes of balance, they have a festival to honor women's little hidden friends as well). Fentiman's descriptions of the festivals including the colorful decorations and graceful floats make the festivals come alive.

The festivals also gave Fentiman a sense of closure in her own life. During the Obon Festival, which people honor their deceased ancestors, Fentiman thought of her own difficulties with her family, such as her deceased mother and distant father and began the process of letting go of her hurt and angry feelings towards them. Later she contacted long lost relatives. Even though reconciliation and moving on were long processes, the festival allowed Fentiman to stop focusing on her past and live solely in the present to become a better teacher, partner, and pet mother.

Fentiman indulged in many activities like mountain climbing and community bathing. In one chapter, Fentiman was talked into getting a traditional makeover complete with kimono, obe, and updo. Far from looking like an elegant geisha, Fentiman felt self-conscious and unattractive until she went outside and got caught up in bystander's enthusiasm. Wearing those clothes also gave her insight into the daily lives of Japanese women and how restrictive some traditions were. 

Fentiman and Ryan found their time in Takayama cut short because of increasing expenses and debt. They had to accept better paying teaching jobs in a school called British Hills, an English training center and resort, in Fukushima. That meant saying goodbye to the friends and village that they had grown to love and especially the breakup of their cat haven home. They made sure that Iko, Niko, and Takashi had good homes. The constant interviewing and inspection of each future cat owner is one that many will relate to as well as the tearful goodbyes when the end comes. 

However, Fentiman and Ryan opted to keep Gershwin because they weren't sure if the feisty little guy would adjust to a new home and even though he was a mischief maker, the Ninja Attack Cat was their favorite. 

Readers will understand the difficulties of making pets ready for travel including getting them used to a long trip,making sure they have their vaccinations, and getting them spayed and neutered. It's a stressful ordeal alongside the packing, getting rid of things, and saying goodbye to friends. 

Cats are notorious for having difficulties with change. It was no doubt a miracle that Gershwin became used to his new home and being an only cat. The exploring of his new domain and the cuddling and spoiling by his humans certainly helped with the transition. Gershwin's adjustment also allowed Fentiman and Ryan to make a bigger move to Australia with cat in tow.

Ikigai is a strong theme throughout this book. It means finding one's purpose. In the past, Fentiman was always wandering, running away when things got hard, and looking for something to belong to. Her time in Japan and taking care of the cats, especially Gershwin, revealed her purpose. Teaching, traveling, and caring for cats was her ikigai and if not for Gershwin and Japan, she never would have found them.

The Cat With Three Passports is a wonderful book about travel, animals, and finding one's true purpose. It has plenty of beauty and plenty of cat-itude.

New Book Alert: SexyQuad Chronicles: The Life and Times of A Salacious Quadriplegic by Luke Stewart; Funny Salacious Autobiography About Disability, Sex, Love, and Regret

New Book Alert: SexyQuad Chronicles: The Life and Times of A Salacious Quadriplegic by Luke Stewart; Funny Salacious Autobiography About Disability, Sex, Love, and Regret

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Warning: This review speaks openly and frankly about sexuality.

Read at your own discretion.

When it comes to autobiographies about disabilities, they often fall in two categories. The first is meant to be inspirational. The author even was born with disability or acquires one. They struggle with daily activities, other's taunts, and their own limitations. They also have a big goal like climbing Mt. Everest, starting their own business, publishing their scientific theories and winning the Nobel, or even just inspiring other people with their stories. The point of these type of books are meant to move people and to marvel about how the protagonist triumphed over adversity. "If they can do it, then I can do it too," is what they might think.

The second type is less inspirational and more realistic. They often focus on the day to day struggles and the simple pleasures. The tone is less uplifting and can be sardonic, honest, and sometimes even funny. The goals when they are present can be minor but no less important. Sometimes it involves getting into a relationship, graduating college, or simply just getting through a day without struggling. In some ways those too can be inspirational. "Life can be difficult, but it can be good too," is what a Reader might think.

Luke Stewart's autobiography, SexyQuad Chronicles The Life and Times of A Salacious Quadriplegic is the second type of book. It involves Stewart, who became quadriplegic after a vehicular accident. While he goes through the tasks of living and working alongside caregivers, going to college, and finding work. He had one specific goal in mind. The same goal that many men have, disabled or not: to have plenty of sex. The book isn't just about Stewart's disabilities. It's a sharp funny book about his relationships with women, his frequent sex life, and the lessons that he learned along the way.

In 1989, while in high school, Stewart returned from a burger diner when he and a friend got involved in in a car accident. The accident left Stewart quadriplegic. Retaining the sharp sardonic humor in describing one of the biggest turning points of his life, Stewart reported apropos of nothing that he never finished eating his burger. In 2015, he finally returned to the diner and found "the food wasn't that great."

While Stewart describes some very traumatic moments, he does so in a realistic way that is matter of fact. He describes suffering paralysis in all four limbs and a broken neck. He also wrote about his various hospital stays and surgeries many of which caused more pain and discomfort. 

He also describes the impact that the accident had on his sexual organs. Being an at the time teenage boy, he was concerned about his constant erecetions and what they ahem revealed. "My little guy is a grower not a shower and of average size," Stewart said.

Sex is a continuous theme in this book. Stewart describes his many love affairs and relationships in a way that is very upfront and sordid but not misogynistic or abusive. Stewart was involved with many women and makes no secret about that. 

He writes that he was aware of the difficulties of maintaining a relationship with someone in his condition. He had limited physical mobility and required assistance for daily activities. The women that he was with could inundate him with questions or overcompensate by doing too much for him, acting more like caregivers than lovers. Of course, many observers could possibly make the pair uncomfortable with stares and condescending admiration. "I get it, I'm different," Stewart said sarcastically.

As with many straight guys, when Stewart began the dating scene, he wasn't concerned about having long term relationships as he was concerned about getting some. He thought of something to say that would ease concerns as well as serve as a pick up line for any prospects. He explained that he could feel his whole body but he couldn''t move much. When the potential date asks whether he can feel anything, Stewart then said that "(He) was incomplete, but felt touch. The pleasure is wonderful but the pain unbearable." Then he added, that he's lucky he can still has sex. 

Stewart candidly admits that he was a player but he rationaled, "In my shoes-that somebody has to put on for me- you do what you have to do. People could think what they liked but I had needs and tried to fill them as much as possible."

Stewart's relationships were exercises in differing personalities, disagreements, issues with commitment, and their insecurities and his own ego. One relationship ended because she "wanted to be wanted" and fell in love with a woman. Another couldn't balance her emotional needs with his physical ones. A married woman returned to her husband.

He met two different women on Craigslist. The sexual chemistry fizzled out on one before she decided that they should just remain friends. He hooked up with another even though he didn't "fancy her." 

By far the two most complicated troubling relationships cost Stewart a lot more than the loss of a sexual good time or potential girlfriend. As an instructor in a Psychology for Disability course, he had an affair with a student. Despite the concerns about violating campus rules, the affair ended quickly and he emerged unscathed for now.

 Unfortunately, the ramifications were felt later after he met another woman and told her about his former lovers including the student. After they broke up, she reported his student affair to the campus costing him his job.

 Each bad relationship carried with it a lesson to be learned and a means for Stewart to understand how he felt about other people and himself. After he lost his job, Stewart evaluated his past behavior. What kept him from being a completely reprehensible person was that he regretted that he was with so many women and quickly discarded them. That he was as much to blame for the end of the relationships as they were.

That "can feel pleasure" line was just that. A line. In thinking that he was doing something courageous by living for just sex and proving that he could have sex despite his disability, he was hurting many including himself. After this understanding, Stewart vowed to become a better person considering love and emotion as well as sexual chemistry. 

SexyQuad Chronicles is a salacious, frank, funny, and very honest book that shows that the greatest triumph that a disabled person, that any person, could make is to be truly honest with themselves. Then they could grow as someone who could be a better friend, lover, and person.

New Book Alert: Souls On Fire: Memoirs of A Twin Flame (True Love's Journey) by Michelle White and Justin White; Witty Dark Novel About The Search For A Twin Flame

 New Book Alert: Souls On Fire: Memoirs of A Twin Flame (True Love's Journey) by Michelle White and Justin White; Witty Dark Novel About The Search For A Twin Flame

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: Michelle and Justin White's book Souls On Fire Memoirs of a Twin Flame is a witty dark story about the modern search for one's Twin Flame. 

Michelle is depressed and anxious for many reasons. She is self conscious about her weight. She has been hospitalized for panic attacks and knee surgery. She and her husband, Ed, get into savage fights over various issues. She is miserable and unhappy at her job. She longs for an escape.

She finds her escape during a night out with another man. Like her, he is also married but they are drawn to each other and for the first time, Michelle feels real passion and emotion. Could their relationship mean more than sex? Could this be the escape that Michelle needs? Could she be getting a second chance to have a better life?

The Whites's narrative does some interesting things to change our perspective of the characters. With two characters contemplating an affair, some might feel very uncomfortable with their behavior. That is until the Reader learns how unhappy Michelle is in her regular life. Her emotions are naturally all over the place as she questions her body image, her job, and her marriage. Many passages such as one at work where she has to be hospitalized after a panic attack and a house party where Ed leaves her to do most of the work, reveal Michelle as a woman ready to crack. She needs something, anything, to help her break from this life before it kills her.

The date between Michelle and her future lover is told in second person with Michelle referring to him as "you" and never calling him by name. It's a strange decision but works somehow. The effect seems to be like Michelle is almost interviewing her date for the job of twin flame. Title notwithstanding, there is no sign that this person is even going to become her twin flame. They both have certain things in common like unhappy marriages and fuzzy definitions of marital fidelity. They also feel for each other things they haven't felt in a long time, passion, understanding, compassion. They found the person that they could be happy with but at the wrong time after they have been with someone else. 

Despite potential evidence to the contrary, the probable twin flames leave enough potential that one hopes that they will become so.

New Book Alert: Confessions of a Bookseller by Shaun Bythell; Charming and Funny Look At the Life of a Scottish Bookseller

New Book Alert: Confessions of a Bookseller by Shaun Bythell; Charming and Funny Look At the Life of a Scottish Bookseller

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews




Shaun Bythell's Confessions of a Bookseller is not long on plot. In fact there is hardly any plot in the book. Instead this sequel to Bythell's previous book, Diary of a Bookseller has plenty of charm, humor, witticisms, and eccentric characters that would be unbelievable in fiction were they not real people.

Bythell owns and operates The Book Shop, Wigtown the largest second hand bookshop in Scotland. This book covers 2015, a year in which he dealt with quirky colleagues, eccentric customers, and the difficulties of running a book store.

Bythell was surrounded by a colorful group of colleagues that could have come out of fiction themselves. There is Granny, an Italian woman, who earned the nickname because she talked about aches and pains and talked about death. Another one is Petra who rented the upstairs apartment to host belly dancing classes. (“Shake, Read, and Roll” would make a good slogan.)

One of the stand outs in this kooky cast is Nicky, Bythell's main employee. She arrived fashionably late, wore black clothes, and brought food on Foodie Fridays (usually stuff that Bythell didn't like.). Often she and Bythell bickered about how the store was run. Nicky gave her two weeks notice once, but the two relied on each other for help and friendship.

Nicky is like most friends and co-workers. You fight, sometimes you want to see the back of each other. But you also rely on each other for loyalty, laughs, strength, and friendship.

As humorous as Bythell's colleagues are, his exchanges with customers are equally as memorable.
One of the struggles Bythell had were donations that meant more to the customers than to Bythell. Many entries feature Bythell driving several hours out of his way to investigate boxes of books only to return with less than a handful because the books were either damaged beyond repair, written by authors that are widely distributed like Dan Brown or Stephanie Meyer, or of only personal interest to the donor. (Family Bibles are out for that reason.)

Another issue the introverted Bythell often had to deal with were talkative customers, who began discussing reading habits then talk about family struggles and personal habits. “NEVER ask for an anecdote when you work in a bookshop,” warned Bythell.

One hilarious roundabout conversation occurred between Bythell and a customer who had to learn the difference between a bookshop and a library.
“Will to live rapidly diminishing,” Bythell inwardly moaned as he said for what seemed like the hundredth time that no she didn't have to return the books once she bought them.

Bythell also had to contend with weird questions asked by customers about what books he had. One asked for a childhood book that she didn't know the name but featured a koala stealing berries. Anyone who works in a book store or library will understand the vague requests. (“I don't remember the name of the book but it has a red cover.”)

Bythell also had to contend with his share of unusual requests both in person and online. One online request asked for Mein Kampf along with other pro-Nazi materials. Bythell didn't know why and didn't want to know.

There were also customers that asked for specific books about certain subjects every day from Scottish genealogy to trains. One of those types of customers was Bythell's father, an avid fisherman who always asked for books about anglers and fish.

Along with colleagues and customers, Bythell also wrote about the advertising that he did to draw in customers, particularly online where he received interest from as far away as Asia, the Americas, and the other European countries. For Christmas, he and Nicky posted two different videos and had the visitors vote on their favorite.

He also wrote about the various quotes that he and other co-workers displayed on Facebook that deal with books and reading. One of those reads “You passed by a Book Shop. Is something wrong with you?”

As much as the Internet was a boon to Bythell's business, it could also be a curse. Bythell became so irritated with customers realizing that they had books on their Kindle that he and a colleague designed and sold “Death to Kindle” mugs at the Book Shop.
In his previous book, Bythell displayed a broken Kindle on the wall of the Book Shop. The display went viral earning Bythell some extra online celebrity.

By far the most eventful time for the Book Shop is the Wigtown Book Festival which takes place during the final week in September. Bythell wrote about the planning, preparation, and organizing an event from a village of less than 100 citizens welcoming people from all over the world. Besides offering discounts, Bythell participated in various events like the Literary Quiz, the optimistically titled Wigtown's Got Talent, and the Fun Run (which he admits is an oxymoron).

While the plot of Confessions of a Bookseller is slight, there is one plot thread that dangles throughout the book. That is Bythell's relationship with his partner, Anna. Anna created different things associated with the Book Shop, like the Writer's House, which offered courses in reading, writing, and art and the Open Book, in which renters can temporarily operate and organize their own bookshop, like an Airbnb. Granny started working there.
As good as Anna was for business, and as good as she and Bythell were personally, they had differences that could not be met. In his mid-forties, Bythell wanted to start a family, Anna was much younger and did not. They broke up and Anna returned to the United States.

Some of the most moving chapters are when Bythell encountered old friends and explained why he was alone, feeling a lump in his throat. During Christmas, he sent her a cordial happy holidays email and wished he could see her in person.

Despite the quirky colleagues, odd customers, and demands on his personal time, Bythell is clearly a man who loves books and loves sharing them with others. This is shown in the first entry when he writes, “The pleasure of handling books that have introduced something of cultural or scientific significance to the world is undeniably the greatest luxury that this business affords and few -if any-
walks of life provide such a wealth of opportunity to indulge in this. This is why, every morning getting out of bed is not an anticipation of a repetitive drudge but in expectation that I may have the chance to hold in my hands a copy of something that first brought to humanity an idea that changed the course of history….That is what it's all about.”

Any of us who work with books whether selling, lending, publishing, appraising, editing, writing, teaching, or reviewing them understand completely.