New Book Alert: Joy: The Art of Making Tofu An Autobiography by Simon Boreham; Heartwarming and Heartbreaking Book of Love, Loss, Grief, Joy, and Tofu

New Book Alert: Joy: The Art of Making Tofu An Autobiography by Simon Boreham; Heartwarming and Heartbreaking Book of Love, Loss, Grief, Joy, and Tofu

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews 

 Simon Boreham's memoirs, Joy: The Art of Making Tofu: An Autobiography is a lovely, moving, and heartbreaking and heartwarming book about Boreham's 59 year marriage to his wife, Dawn and her death in 2021. 

The book begins shortly after Dawn's death as Boreham wrote his memoirs. Even from the beginning, he wrote of the aching memories of going through a house and the things that he and Dawn once shared and suddenly carried many beautiful and painful memories. The white-framed mirror that was her favorite. The porcelain vase with a crack that they bought at their Greystones home in Torquay. The handbag that she took to the hospital. All things under normal circumstances might have been overlooked and ignored that now carry significance and emotional weight. This chapter alone carries Boreham's grief, sadness, and his loving happy memories in a few short pages.

Boreham recounts Dawn's death with her hospitalization from angina and the painful seemingly endless waiting with their children, Catherine and Jason especially because they couldn't be in the hospital room with her because of the pandemic. Boreham combines this with other memories such as when he and Dawn entered the restaurant business in the 1970's and '80's and when he wrote a poem called "The Crying Man." This effect of going from one memory to another even at one point switching the point of view to the second person talking specifically to Dawn is how a person's mind works when it goes through deep stress and grief. It flickers from one memory to another when the current situation becomes too painful and wanting the person to still be there. 

Boreham keeps his and Dawn's years alive through great recall and detail. He talks about his middle class upbringing with his parents, Sybil and Mike, moving through several countries because of his father's career at Barclays Bank. Sybil and Mike eventually settled in the U.K. in 1959 until her death from cancer in 1976. Their happy but doting marriage was a detriment because as Dawn pointed out, she couldn't live up to their expectations for their son so they rarely visited the couple. In fact after Sybil's death, Mike fell apart and moved to South Africa. Boreham writes them as a couple insulated by their reserve and love for each other and their son. It was admirable because it gave Boreham an example of a happy marriage, but they were still standoffish towards Dawn.

Boreham captures his childhood with multiple senses and delightful memories such as the various books that he and his mother read together, Sybil's perfume, his grandparent's tomato garden, Boreham's crush on Disney's Snow White, and his father carrying him after a dog bit him. He also writes about his time in a boarding school that was structured with rules, upperclassmen who teased the younger ones, and a few loyal friends. These memories depict a man with a nice childhood and sometimes difficult youth that filled him with knowledge, thoughts, encouragement, and security. Things that he aspired towards in his marriage. In fact, his main act of rebellion was moving to Canada in the early 60's only to return to a steady life.

In contrast, Dawn was a very opinionated young lady. The second of three children, she was considered her father's favorite. As compared to Boreham's parents, Dawn's parents got along with her husband. In fact, Boreham thought of his mother-in-law Elizabeth as a second mother. Elizabeth, called "Dizzy Lizzy," was something of a character who responded to her son in law's poems with letters decorated with matchstick cartoon characters. She actually had an affair with Boreham's father which continued after both their spouses died. While Boreham and Dawn outwardly supported it, they still felt uncomfortable. While not outright stated, Elizabeth's open hearted eccentric personality may have inspired her daughter's outspoken unconventional nature 

Instead of the private school upbringing of her husband, Dawn attended a Catholic state school. When a nun constantly berated her, Dawn pulled her wimple off. When her sister saw cane marks on Dawn's legs, she and her younger brother were pulled out of that school. This showed Dawn as the type of woman who was more forward in her personality than her reserved husband. It was a strange attraction of opposites that proved compatible for over five decades of marital happiness.

In 1962, Boreham met Dawn while he was working in the hospitality industry and she was a hotel receptionist. He remembered what she wore and where they went those passionate first weeks before he left on a misadventure in Germany. He returned to England and Dawn began a love affair that lasted 59 years.

He remembers Dawn being the type who initiated the emotional response, but letting Boreham think he was leading her. When he kissed her during their dating, Boreham realized that Dawn expected and wanted him to.

Dawn's spirit comes alive in her widower's writing. She was high spirited, sociable, outspoken, intuitive, strong willed, outgoing, and joyful. She loved jazz, dancing, flowers, experimental cooking, and occasionally horse betting, and drinking single malts while quoting Robert Burns. This is told by a man who is still in love with his wife even after she left this world. The sharp grief may recede and be pushed back at times but he will always remember who she was and what she meant to him.

The Boreham's experiences in parenthood contain moments of humor like when their son Jason swallowed a cupboard key and anxiety like when he had fragile health and needed heart and kidney operations during his infancy. Many parents would relate to these situations.The Boreham parents were able to pass their tremendous love for each other to their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

Besides the Boreham's marriage, this book is about their experience in the food business. Like many entrepreneurs, it took some time for the duo to find their niche. They went from a high-spend fish restaurant, to a steak and fish place. In 1989, two years after Boreham was let go of his job they purchased Dragonfly, an organic whole food manufacturing business. 

Their specialty was tofu which at the time was not widely made and sold except in family owned shops in Asia. The duo learned the hard way about the difficulties of making food by themselves without a factory and personnel. They found themselves quite busy making and delivering food only taking off for two weeks between Christmas and New Year's.

Boreham also writes of the toll that starting their own business worked on their marriage especially between two obstinate individuals who believed that they knew what was best. This is evident when after an argument, Dawn, fed up with her husband's high handedness, engaged in a one-woman strike and walkout leaving her husband to finish the clean up. After that he learned to accommodate her personality to his and that her solutions might be different but they weren't always wrong. Their time running Dragonfly helped strengthen their relationship by working towards a goal and implementing their diverse personalities to the end product.

Naturally the final chapters are filled with moments that tug at even the most immovable heart strings. Little moments are captured such as when they bought an antique turquoise pot that was too big to fit anywhere but Dawn just wanted to buy it anyway because the colors represented meaning and life. A pot that would eventually become the funeral urn to carry Dawn's ashes and was big enough to also hold the ashes of their late dog and Boreham when his time comes to be with them. Talk about meaning.

In the end, Boreham writes through his grief in keeping his wife's memory alive but still enjoying the life that he still has. He still can enjoy writing, and bonding with his children, grandchildren and great granddaughter, studying Eastern philosophy and other uplifting sources, and finding joy and happiness around him.

While Joy: The Art of Making Tofu is a sad book about grief and loss, it is also funny and moving as it tells of the memories of a happy marriage, and to find joy in not only those times but the remaining time that we have left.