The Forgotten Queer A Journey of Self-Discovery, Breaking Free, and Healing by Stella Mok: Tragic and Triumphant Memoir About Coming Out, Authenticity, and Living Ones Truth

 The Forgotten Queer A Journey of Self-Discovery, Breaking Free, and Healing by Stella Mok: Tragic and Triumphant Memoir About Coming Out, Authenticity, and Living Ones Truth 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

Stella Mok’s book The Forgotten Queer: A Journey of Self-Discovery, Breaking Free, and Healing is a tragic and triumphant memoir about coming out, authenticity, and finding the physical and emotional space to live one's truth.

Mok’s writing style is both personal and informative. She summarizes and gives dry fact based accounts like most nonfiction authors and memoirists. But she also uses literary techniques like dialogue and internal thoughts in parts. This dual nature is a means to highlight the most important conflicts and themes within her story.

For example, most of the book is centered around Mok’s troubled relationship with her parents, Leandro and Nora. In the first chapter Mok, her siblings, and her father get into an argument about future plans and Leandro goes into a paragraph long diatribe about how women couldn't be doctors. This exchange is foreshadowed in her opening sentence, “I wish I were a boy.” 

This chapter and various other ones reveal the toxicity between Mok and her parents which went beyond cultural, generational, or gender conflicts. At one point, they use emotional blackmail to keep Mok’s sister tied to their family business. They also used various other means to keep Mok and her siblings under their control. It's a troubling environment that one does not thrive so much as be fortunate enough to survive.

Mok lived in a tight, oppressed, and psychologically abusive atmosphere in which Mok did not only have to suppress her true self, she had to pretend that it never existed to begin with. One where the freedom to be honest with herself was treated as a luxury that she could not afford so it couldn't exist. At one point she realizes this by thinking, “I had to fight for my life, or end up losing what I worked so hard for.”

This fighting for her life also played into Mok’s sexuality and various relationships. An early romance ended because Mok was uncertain about pursuing a full romantic relationship with another girl. She also had a long term relationship with another woman who had trouble reconciling her lesbianism with her religious beliefs.

Throughout the book, Mok used different means to find her own inner strength and personal happiness. Two of the most triumphant moments occur when she wrote letters to her parents dealing with their deficiencies in parenting while also forgiving them and herself. These gestures show someone who is ready to move on into the next step in life. 

This and other actions moved her to a more positive path that led to a new more honest and fulfilling life. She had to break the cycle that her family gave her and heal herself.

New Book Alert: Stories We Never Told By Sonia Yeorg; Psychological Drama Emphasizes The Horror of Gaslighting

New Book Alert: Stories We Never Told By Sonia Yeorg; Psychological Drama Emphasizes The Horror of Gaslighting


By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews


Spoilers: Of the psychological manipulation tricks a person can play, one of the most frightening is probably gaslighting. The abuser does various things with the intent to drive the other person insane.

The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight in which a wealthy man (Charles Boyer) manipulates his young wife (Ingrid Bergman) to the point of insanity.

The abuser will steal a small item and make the other person think they misplaced it or someone else stole it. They may deny a certain event, like a fight or a previous affair, happened and alter details so their victim questions their own memories. The abuser might also create clouds of paranoia and suspicion among the victim and friends and family so they feel isolated and can't trust anyone but the abuser.

What often results is a depressed anxious person who is so dependant on their abuser as their only link to sanity. They are right where the abuser wants them: a frightened paranoid mess that can't trust anyone.

Sonia Yeorg’s novel Stories We Never Told is about that. It is an intense psychological drama in which psychological mind games are used as revenge after a break up.

Dr. Jackie Sterlitz seemingly has a perfect life. She is a psychologist at a prestigious university and is involved in a plum research study to help autistic children. She is happily married to Miles, a sports talent scout, and while she doesn't have children, is making great strides in getting along with her stepson, Antonio, and earns the admiration of her graduate students and research assistants. Why she even has an ex-boyfriend, Harlan with whom even though they parted ways are amicable friends and colleagues in the same Department of Psychology.

Things are great until the night when Harlan invites Jackie and Miles on a double date at a swank upscale restaurant and bring his date: a younger woman and not just any younger woman but Jackie's graduate student, Nasira Amari.

This encounter puts Jackie in a whirl and she becomes jealous. How could Harlan choose a younger woman, practically a naive girl like Nasira over her? They now do things like vacation in places that Harlan and Jackie dreamt about but never had time to visit or go places that Harlan was never interested in visiting before.

Jackie becomes suspicious and asks impertinent questions to Nasira about her love life and whether she knew that she and Harlan were a couple before. She also spies on Harlan and Nasira following them at home and watch them enter and exit Harlan's house.

Yeorg is very subtle in pulling the Readers’ sympathies. First, they side with Harlan thinking Jackie is unbalanced and needs to let go of her relationship. We think that she's unstable and are prepared for the book to go into full Fatal Attraction territory. Until we get into Harlan's point of view.

Harlan's perspective shows him as the unstable one who has a hard time letting go. He brags that he seduced Nasira and brought her to the restaurant just to gauge Jackie's reaction. He reveals that he wants to get revenge on Jackie for breaking up with him.

Harlan uses various means at his disposal to manipulate Jackie. Jackie's following him and Nasira is called into question as he fills Nasira with suspicion that Jackie is unstable with the intent of creating a hostile workplace. Jackie also discovers that the data on her research has been compromised leading her to suspect Nasira.

Jackie also finds reasons to doubt her marriage to Miles. Harlan mentions games that he claims that Jackie was invited to but forgot about. He hints that Miles is up to something whenever he is gone leaving her to doubt his fidelity as he has suspicions about hers. Even Miles’ formerly addicted son plays into Harlan's hand when he is alone with the troubled boy causing him to doubt his father and stepmother.

Harlan is a master manipulator. He is similar to those characters in old Hollywood suspense films like Boyer in Gaslight, Sydney Greenstreet in The Maltese Falcon, or Ray Milland in Dial M for Murder, a sophisticated sociopath who observes others’ behaviors while he takes part in host-like activities and engages in polite conversation.

It's no coincidence that his research study on how people behave when they are lying. He is able to use his research to find the tells that those around him are hiding.
Harlan observes so he can find and play onto their weaknesses like Miles’ confusion about former relationship or Antonio's addiction.

Jackie in particular is susceptible because he knows her so well. He uses her insecurities about their former relationship and her career as springboards for his gaslighting towards her.
Jackie unintentionally provides him with the opportunity because of her earlier suspicious behavior towards him and Nasira. Harlan is able to tell Nasira or Miles, “See how she followed me before? Isn't that suspicious? Clearly you can't trust her!” While Jackie's earlier behavior gives Harlan the key, it is based on an emotional knee jerk reaction and ends just as quickly as it began. Harlan is slower, more methodical, and based on a cold reasonable drive to control. Jackie may accidentally hurt someone and regret it later, but Harlan would give someone a slow moving poison just to test the results.

Harlan's strength is in manipulation so Jackie is only beholden to him until she breaks herself from his mind games. It becomes a victory when she begins to piece his lies together and find her way out of them.