Weekly Reader: Mysterious Aisles (The South Hertling Chronicles Book 1) by B.G. Hilton; Hilarious Send Up of Superheroes, Ghosts, Conspiracy Theories, and Stores That Are Actually the Den of Evil

 

Weekly Reader: Mysterious Aisles (The South Hertling Chronicles Book 1) by B.G. Hilton; Hilarious Send Up of Superheroes, Ghosts, Conspiracy Theories, and Stores That Are Actually the Den of Evil

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: Last year, I thought that Champagne Charlie and The Amazing Gladys by B.G. Hilton was one of the craziest, weirdest novels that I ever read. A Steampunk Science Fiction Adventure novel, it had a madman who wanted to destroy the moon, bat and badger like aliens living on Earth and assimilated into typical English citizens, Irish pirates ready to take out English nobility, a stage magician with a wand that had real magical powers, and a dowager noblewoman who used her nobility as a secret identity for her real self as one of Britain's most renowned crime stoppers.

Now, having read Hilton's Mysterious Aisles (The South Hertling Chronicles Book 1), I have come to realize that Champagne Charlie and the Amazing Gladys was simply the warm up act. Mysterious Aisles dials up the crazy, weird, bizarre, and silly up to eleven. This book is brimming with supervillains and heroes, drunken ghosts, demigods, conspiracy theorists, magic portals, and a store that is actually a den of all evil.

 Refrain from the obvious (and somewhat accurate) Wal-Mart and Amazon jokes. For once, it isn't about them.

If you peer close enough and I'm talking with a magnifying glass peering very very closely, you might find a coherent plot in this book. At least in all of the madness in Champagne Charlie and the Amazing Gladys, there is something of an actual engaging and suspenseful story involved. With Mysterious Aisles, it's more of a string of random weirdness, one silly goofy event and character after another that gets sillier and goofier as the book continues. By the end, I expected The Colonel from Monty Python's Flying Circus to show up, break the fourth wall, and say this book is too silly.

But plot is not what we come for in these books. We come for the funny and the weird. That's what this book delivers. Boy, does it deliver.

The main protagonist of Mysterious Aisles is Axel Platzoff, AKA Professor Devistato, a retired supervillain. His days of plotting world domination are over and now he works at the Handy Pavilion, a hardware and outdoor enthusiast store. Unfortunately, Axel's customers include Captain Stellar, Axel's former archenemy who is now going into maudlin detail after his boyfriend dumped him. Stellar and Axel's relationship is less of a villain/ hero and more like two acquaintances turned reluctant friends who see each other and bicker all the time. It's similar to the animated series, The Venture Bros which also shows superheroes and villains having reluctant friendships with each other when off the clock or during retirement. 

Besides Axel, Handy Pavilion is also staffed by other specimens of weirdness. There's Laura, a new hire, who after an accident becomes the new superhero on the block. Bruce, a former contractor, who now haunts the store as a ghost, a drunk foul-mouthed ghost. Zorbar Ofthechimps, a staff member, was raised by chimps. Gwen Harper has a magical connection to wood. Angela and Sadie McGregor, twins who take the good twin/bad twin dichotomy to the next level. Buck Dusty, a wannabe cowboy, works in power tools and has a lot of knowledge of different dimensions. Karl Wintergreen, owner of a nearby stationary shop, writes a business newsletter that is actually filled with his conspiracy theories about the Illuminati and the Trilateral Commission. Norman, a young employee, has divine family connections. Seamus, a garden gnome, comes to life during the full moon. Nalda, a killer cyborg from the future, works in Arts and Crafts. Did I mention this store was weird?

Besides the weirdness within, there's also weirdness outside. Handy Pavilion is in frequent rivalry with the nearby DIY Barn. Rather than the conventional means like sales, business acquisition, and better advertising, this corporate rivalry is more like war between countries. The stores resort to such means as kidnapping and explosions to cut the competition.

 It turns out that DIY Barn is actually DIY Evil because it apparently is a trans-dimensional portal that welcomes evil  demons, spirits, and  so on. Handy Pavilion has to battle for more than just awesome savings and friendly customers. They have to battle for souls.

Both DIY and Handy have their go to person to commit the nastier deeds. DIY has the Phantasm, a mysterious figure (who ends up being not really that mysterious)  who covertly spies on and sabotages the Handy Pavilion staff (though really not that covertly).  Many of Handy's more ruthless endeavors are overseen by Axel, who even though he is officially retired from the supervillain game, is glad to put his talents to good or bad use.

Mysterious Aisles is a book that has a joke on just about every chapter and page. Some don't make sense and don't have to. They just have to be very funny and they are. It's the kind of book where when Handy Pavilion needs the assistance of a plumber, two somewhat familiar characters appear. Two sisters named Maria and Luigina. I said somewhat familiar. 

We also learn that Norman is the most recent child of Zeus. Isn't it nice to know after thousands of years, the king of the Greek gods still can't keep it in his robe? All of these character traits add to the overall humor.

There are also hilarious interactions between characters. When Stellar is drunk and heartbroken about his recent breakup, Axel comes up to him and the two act less like opposite sides of good vs. evil and more like the last two guys to exit the bar during last call.

My favorite interaction is Karl's Newsletters which are supposed to mostly be accounts of local business news and sales but are really just platforms for his craziest conspiracy theories that are then edited and mostly redacted by Claudia, his hapless editor. Karl and Claudia's war of words is uproarious particularly when Karl personally insults her and she comments "Redact this!" Then she leaves a particularly damning accusatory conspiracy theory in just so she can sit back and see what happens.

Then there are the moments that mock the entire plot and the conventions of the genre that this book is in.

One character goes into an overly long diatribe about how the store rivalry is only a small part in a larger plan. Unfortunately, this character's rambling is so boring and confusing that the others (and the narration) lose interest. Something tells me that come Book 2, they are going to wish that they had paid attention.

Mysterious Aisles is what it is. It's crazy, weird, and hilarious. It's not to be taken seriously. Just taken with a good sense of humor and a huge pound of salt. You're going to need them.