The War on Love And My Ex-Mother God Who Became a Mummified Corpse by Andrew-Ryan Profaci; A Powerful Memoir About Cults, Deification, and Love of Others and Oneself

 The War on Love And My Ex-Mother God Who Became a Mummified Corpse by Andrew-Ryan Profaci; A Powerful Memoir About Cults, Deification, and Love of Others and Oneself 

By Julie Sara Porter 

Bookworm Reviews 

This review is also on Reedsy Discovery.

The Love Has Won cult is one of the most bizarre cults particularly with how it ended according to Andrew-Ryan Profaci’s expose, The War on Love And My Ex-Mother God Who Became a Mummified Corpse. 

To understand this book is to understand the cult itself, its leader Amy Carlson, its origins and its controversies. Between 2000-2007, Carlson became interested in New Age philosophy and participated in the Lightworker forums. There she met Robert Saltsgiver AKA Amerith WhiteEagle who introduced Carlson to paranormal phenomena and believed that she was divine. In late 2007, Carlson left her third husband, children, and her job as a McDonald’s manager in Dallas, Texas. She ceased contact with her family and left to join WhiteEagle in Colorado to form the Galactic Federation of Light, later known as Love Has Won. 

The Love Has Won cult did daily live streams on Youtube and even though Carlson had 12-20 members living with her in her Crestone,Colorado home at any given time, most of the members were contacted through social media. Their philosophies were an amalgam of New Age practices, elements from Abrahamic religions, conspiracy theories, and popular culture. One of their strongest tenets was the removal of ego to ascend into a pure spiritual being of love and energy. They believed that Carlson was the latest incarnation of a 19 billion year old being who gave birth to all of creation, whose other past lives included the queen of the fabled lost continent of Lemuria, Jesus, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, and Marilyn Monroe and that she would lead people into a mythical 5th Dimension. Carlson was called Mother God and she had a revolving door of lovers, including WhiteEagle (who left in 2014) and Profaci, each of whom took the title of Father God. Carlson believed that she could communicate with a number of deceased celebrities like Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, and Rodney Dangerfield. Love Has Won also spoke of concepts like Atlantis, Anunnaki, and Reptilians. 

While most of their beliefs seem bizarre and outlandish, but mostly harmless, they also developed more hateful and violent rhetoric especially before Carlson’s death in 2021. They were believers in the now debunked QAnon conspiracy theory that there was a secret cabal of Liberal Democrats who abducted children, sacrificed them, sucked on their adrenochrome to preserve their youth, whose main hideout was the basement of the Comet Ping Pong Pizza Parlor in Washington DC (a pizza parlor which doesn’t have a basement nor any known ties to any conspiracy whatsoever), and that Donald Trump secretly led a fight against them. Bitterly ironic considering the recent implications with plenty of eyewitness accounts and evidence that Trump himself was engaged in pedophilia with disgraced and deceased financier Jeffrey Epstein and his henchwoman Ghislaine Maxwell. Love Has Won also believed other conspiracy theories such as that COVID 19 and the Sandy Hook school shooting massacre were hoaxes, and in 9/11 and Holocaust denials. They followed many racist and antisemitic tenets such as the Great Replacement Theory, globalist cabals, and support for Adolf Hitler.

The cult faced allegations from ex-members citing practices like physical abuse, sleep deprivation and mental torture. Despite having a zero tolerance policy for drugs and alcohol, Carlson was frequently intoxicated and addicted herself. The group travelled between Colorado, Oregon, California, Florida, and Hawaii between 2018-2021. Carlson was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and due to the cult’s caveat against doctors, her worshippers refused to send her to the hospital or get her medical treatment. She was last seen in public on April 10, 2021 and is believed to have died on April 28, 2021.

Carlson’s mummified corpse was discovered in the mission house near Crestone. She was found in a sleeping bag wrapped in Christmas lights and her face was covered in glitter as a makeshift shrine. The state of decay revealed that she had been dead for weeks. Seven members were charged with abuse of a corpse and child abuse because there were two children in the compound. The members revealed that Carlson consumed colloidal silver which the cult promoted as a cure for COVID-19 and resulted in her having an emaciated frame, thinning hair, and blue-gray discoloration on her skin. Her cause of death was reported as “global decline in the setting of alcohol abuse, anorexia, and chronic colloidal silver ingestion.” After her death, remaining cult members separated and formed splinter groups including Joy Rains and 5D Full Disclosure. 

The story of Love Has Won itself is a twisted tale of divine worship, mental manipulation, and belief gone horribly wrong. Profaci’s memoir takes us inside a personal journey into a cult and specifically their leader whom he felt equal parts fascination, fear, love, and loathing.

Profaci lived a life marked by loss and endless searching. A tempestuous divorce and custody battle put him and his brothers in the hands of their father who had a criminal history. Profaci’s nights were as rocked with tension as his days when even as a child he was awakened by hypnopompic hallucinations of dark creatures standing at the foot of his bed. These incidents caused years of sleep disorders and a belief in the paranormal, supernatural, and conspiracy theories. This and his father’s neglect and escalating verbal abuse led to Profaci feeling lost, insecure, and curiosity about the deeper issues like his place in the world.His teenage years were rocked with criminal activity, being almost molested by a pedophile, and getting involved in a fatal car accident. He fell even further down the spiral and became addicted to painkillers. A person facing addiction, trauma, insecurities, depression, openness to ethereal and terrifying paranormal experiences, and existential quests for meaning is a perfect candidate for culthood and Profaci was no exception.

 A search down various spiritual paths, communicating with gurus, reading New Age books, and exploring believer websites, and message boards led him right to Amy Carlson, The Mother God. Profaci was attracted to Carlson’s youthful exuberance, enchanting charisma, mystical beliefs, and the two struck up a correspondence and friendship. He paid for and attended online sessions with Carlson and her group and became aware of signs around him that at the time seemed supernatural. After a job loss, he decided to go see Carlson in person.

Profaci’s memoirs are notable because of what they include but also what they leave out. Profaci left the group long before Love Has Won got involved with QAnon and focused on conspiracy theories, antisemitism, and racism. He only heard about those second hand after communicating with other ex-members. He also was a witness primarily to verbal abuse and the occasional physical abuse but was no longer a member during the torture sessions. Above all, he cut ties with Love Has Won completely by 2021 and was in the hospital for chemotherapy when he heard about Carlson’s death and display of her mummified corpse. Because of this Love Has Won is seen strictly through his eyes and personal experiences. It leaves out many parts to the story, most notably the most newsmaking, graphic, and sensationalistic aspects. 

What remains is a deeply personal human story about how one person is drawn into a cult but most importantly what keeps them there after all common sense should have told them to leave. In Profaci’s case, it boils down to a simple reason. He was in love with its leader. Their first face-to-face meeting illustrates this point. Profaci expected the warm, empathetic, wise, enthusiastic, charming guru with whom he communicated online. What he got instead was a fragile, sickly, intoxicated woman half asleep and fallen over in drunkenness. He suspected then and there that Carlson was a fraud but his empathy for this woman in her shattered state compelled him to remain.

There is considerable doubt whether Profaci ever believed in Love Has Won’s philosophies or not. Most of the time, he comes across as a detached deadpan snarker. Recalling his decision to remain with Love Has Won despite his disastrous first meeting with the presumed Mother God, Profaci writes, “I didn’t know how far this ‘awakening’ would push me or how much of myself I’d have to lose just to keep up. But I knew one thing: This path does not offer refunds. You paid with your soul or turned back empty-handed. So I paid.”

When Carlson declared Profaci to be her lover and latest Father God, he was nonplussed and did not look at this promotion with honor. Recalling the previous Father Gods who came and went before him, Profaci wondered, “What did that make me? Father God #3? 4? 5?”

What stands out the most in this book is Profaci’s devotion to Carlson herself not to her Mother God persona but to Amy, the human woman who was just as lost and just as confused as he was, built a spiritual path to find her solutions, and got swept up in her own delusions.

Profaci’s empathy for his leader is most prominent during the frequent power struggles among members. A compelling conflict involved Profaci and another member KG who slowly climbed the ranks to become a Healer and part of a threesome with Carlson and Profaci. 

After KG’s ascension, the cult’s forums became flooded with messages from divine beings called Quantums. Through KG’s encouragement, Carlson believed the Quantums were real and began to rely on their unquestionable authority. As the group’s online conversations with the Quantums increased so did their claims and personalities. One of the Quantums claimed to be Robin Williams and Carlson actually claimed to represent Williams through visions and meditations. 

The book The War on Love includes transcripts of the conversations between the Quantum Beings and Love Has Won members. It’s perfectly clear that they, specifically Carlson, were in the grips of a widespread delusion and were willing to follow it through to the end. The irony that the leader of one delusion can be so swept up in a completely separate one cannot be understated. Sometimes the most manipulative can be the most easily manipulated by others. It shows how the assistants learn from and surpass the master in cruelty.

That’s what happened between Carlson and the Quantum Beings. Profaci had doubts about the whole experience. At first he wanted to give the Quantums the benefit of the doubt, however inconsistencies in their teachings and Carlson’s reliance on KG to facilitate the conversations with them aroused his suspicions. After some investigation and soul searching, Profaci revealed the truth that KG completely fabricated the Quantum’s existence and communications in an attempt to seize power within the cult. 

The Quantum Account is important to Profaci’s involvement with Love Has Won for many reasons. Among them is that it shows Profaci’s inner conflict between his doubts about cult doctrine and protective affection for Carlson. As Carlson came to terms with KG’s deception, Profaci comforted her. He almost broke her from her Mother God delusion to accept herself as Amy. He saw the glimpses of the real woman underneath the mask of confidence and alleged divinity and tried to convince her to accept and love her real self. Unfortunately, other members had private conversations with her and the mask slipped back on and firmly stayed on. The vulnerable woman that Profaci was anxious about was replaced by the remote and unapproachable Mother God and Profaci was not going to get her back.

It also was one of the first incidents that caused doubts about the cult and led to Profaci’s abandonment of them. Eventually those doubts would increase as Carlson insisted that he was full of ego. Any question of authority, any slight infraction, any disagreement was seen as ego and selfishness getting in the way. However, Profaci became aware of the hypocrisy of her words when the whole cult was built on her ego that said that she was the Mother of All Creation and Love Incarnate. Eventually, Profaci could no longer reconcile his concern for Carlson with his criticisms for Love Has Won. Disillusioned, Profaci eventually left the cult and his former girlfriend/guru behind.

Profaci never writes Carlson as a manipulator, con artist, or someone who wanted to fool innocent victims solely for financial gains. The monetary benefits were there and she clearly enjoyed her rule over innocent people but Profaci also saw someone who was in serious need of love, acceptance, and belonging. In fact, he saw Carlson as someone who genuinely wanted to believe that she was who she said she was. She repeated her claims of being a Mother God so often that she thought that they were true. It was a means of gaining some psychological and spiritual hold and control in her life. Her dangerous ego pushed her into a dark path that she created but could no longer separate from. By the end, there was no division between Amy Carlson and Mother God. She became the illusion that she created and fell in love with it. 

Profaci’s book is a profound look at love. His love for Amy Carlson kept him in a dangerous place, but it was his discovery of love for himself that broke him out and set him free.