Lit List Short Reviews; Alternative Ulster Noir: NI Crime Stories Inspired by NI Music Edited by Simon Maltman; The Official Black Book Game Guidance: How I Bedded an Extensive Number of Women and How You Can Too by A Kingzman's Depiction; The Official Black Book Black Index by A Kingzman's Depiction

 Lit List Short Reviews; Alternative Ulster Noir: NI Crime Stories Inspired by NI Music Edited by Simon Maltman; 

 The Official Black Book Game Guidance: How I Bedded an Extensive Number of Women and How You Can Too by A Kingzman's Depiction; The Official Black Book Black Index by A Kingzman's Depiction

Alternative Ulster Noir: NI Crime Stories Inspired By NI Music Edited by Simon Maltman

Alternative Ulster Noir is an all too brief anthology of crime stories set in Northern Ireland. The book is short, only 78 pages with 7 short stories. So each story has only a few pages to create a tense suspenseful dark mood. The wonder is that the authors do this so well.

The common theme is that each story is inspired by a song or a musical work by Northern Irish musicians and songwriters. The effort combines the talents of Ulster's literary and music talents.

The best stories are: 

Astral Weeks by Colin Bateman Inspired by "Astral Weeks" by Van Morrison

There's something kind of weird when a thriller uses a real life person in their story. Even weirder is when it's a modern story and said person is alive, well, and as far as we know is not affiliated with any crime whatsoever. 

The real life celebrity featured in Bateman's "Astral Weeks" is Van Morrison*. The Irish rock singer is being stalked by a painter named Cecil McCartney AKA King Om. Om claimed that he inspired Morrison's work  "Astral Weeks.". Morrison is getting tired of Om hounding him so he hires his manager/the story's narrator to "take care of the problem."

The story takes great pains to show both Morrison and Om as eccentric egocentric artists off in their own worlds where nothing exists except themselves and their art. When egos like that clash, there's bound to be more than just raised emotions. The Narrator is clearly caught in the middle wanting to please Morrison as his boss but becoming drawn to Om's version of the events.

What is particularly memorable about this story are the descriptions of astral projection. Astral projection is a process in which the spirit floats outside of the body and can go anywhere: around town, to another world, through time, outer space, anywhere.

As a longtime astral projectionist myself, the descriptions are vivid and reveal much about the soul of the person experiencing it. Om paints the astral projection visions that the traveler experiences. His painting of Morrison is dripping with irony and reveals much about what is in the souls of many artists.

How To Be Dead By James Murphy Inspired by "How to be Dead" by Snow Patrol

The longest story in this anthology is also the most complex. Dr. Carolyn Harkin, criminal psychologist and crime fiction writer, is interviewing Jade Greene, one half of a notorious criminal pair. Jade has been through a psychological and rehabilitation and rejuvenation program cheekily called "How to be Dead" (because it kills the old self to make way for the new). Carolyn is to interview Jade to determine if she is ready to be released and reenter society.

Using alternating viewpoints, Murphy gets both Carolyn and Jade's perspectives. The effect is that both women have studied each other and how they think and operate. The interview becomes almost a one on one tennis match as Carolyn and Jade ask and answer questions. They tell  each other what they want to hear and then withdraw just enough so they don't let the other in their head.

The outcome is both Carolyn and Jade know each other perfectly and recognize one another's capabilities. Carolyn sees an act that Jade is playing and Jade sees someone who recognizes her act. 

They aren't dissimilar from Hannibal Lector and Clarice Starling or Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty. Each woman recognizes an enemy, their polar opposite. Maybe the woman they could have been if circumstances were different: a criminal instead of a crime writer. A doctor who heals broken minds  instead of a troubled soul who takes lives.

Black Dog Sin by Gerard Brennan Inspired by "Black Dog Sin" by James Burnside

"Astral Weeks" isn't the only story that projects into the world of the supernatural. "Black Dog Sin" seems to dip its toes right into the ghost story genre. It amplified the grief of a father mourning the death of his young daughter who haunts his presence literally and figuratively.

The Narrator's daughter Chloe drowned six months ago. An elderly psychic says that he can sense Chloe's presence behind her father. What should be comforting ends up being eerie as the psychic accurately sees the girl's tangled hair and chipped toenails and feels her embarrassment at being seen that way.

"Black Dog Sin" has a taste of the old campfire tales in which someone is haunted by a ghost in their past. In this case, as Chloe's father tries to find the answers he becomes almost driven insane by the voices of his late daughter and wife. Remember this is set in Northern Ireland where the wail of a banshee is connected with the death of someone. The dead are ever talkative here.

In true ghost story fashion, the Narrator has a final confrontation with the ghosts of his past. The twist is somewhat predictable but it shows that sometimes when one's soul and sanity are at stake sometimes it's better not to know.

Trigger Inside by Simon Maltman Inspired by "Trigger Inside" by Therapy? (sic)

What's weirder than inserting a real life still alive celebrity into your crime story? How about inserting yourself into it? That's what Simon Maltman* did in his contribution, "Trigger Inside."

Maltman is a crime writer and tour guide taking tourists to the fictional crime spots in the Belfast Noir tour. Maltman talks about local crime stories like the The Northern Bank Heist and The more recent Belfast Strangler with a theatrical way to captivate the audience but a detachment like he's told it many times before (and probably has).

The story is a very dark comic one as an actual killer makes their way into a tour describing fictional murders. As Maltman prattles on about the locations and movie ties and makes the usual lame jokes, he fails to notice that his group is getting smaller by the minute as each member is taken out in gruesome ways without him noticing.

 It is more than likely something that didn't happen in real life (at least I hope not). It's entirely possible that some sinister characters have taken advantage of these tours. Maybe even a tourist gave off an unexplainable creepy vibe but did not act upon it and inspired Maltman to write this story. Either way, his mixing of fact and fiction and breaking of the fourth wall works surprisingly well. It adds to the overall black comedy aspects to this story.

One of the funniest bits about this story is how Maltman writes himself. It would be tempting to make Maltman, a crime fiction writer, the hero by having him catch the killer. Or if Maltman the Writer was in a really dark nihilistic mood make his fictional counterpart, Maltman The Character, the murderer. But he doesn't do either of these things. 

Instead Maltman good naturedly portrays himself as a naive fool who lives in such a world of fictional crime that he doesn't see real ones happening right in front of him. It's only when murder stares him right in the face that he sees the truth.

*The views that the authors have towards Van Morrison and Simon Maltman are their own and those of their characters. I am only repeating how they are portrayed in the stories. Using real living people in a work can be distracting and difficult for this very reason.

I do not share nor condone their views. I am simply reviewing the stories on an artistic literary level.

The Black Book Game Guidance: How I Bedded an Extensive Number of Women and How You Can Too by A Kingzman's Depiction

I'm going to say this right away. This book is definitely not for me. I'm an asexual Liberal feminist in my mid-40's and I am farthest from The Official Black Book Game Guidance's target audience than could possibly be.

If you are a heterosexual male that's interested in having sex and nothing more, then this is probably the book for you. If you aren't, then read it, if you want to roll your eyes and go "whatever" or ignore it entirely.

The Game Guidance clearly has one intention in mind and on that level it works, I suppose. The author categorizes various women by age, occupation, and marital status to determine their sexual desirability. It's made for people who in the old days would have had subscriptions for Playboy and insisted that they read it for the articles.

It stops short of suggesting illegal activity to get some. There is a section on teens but thankfully it's for Teens over 18. There is also a lot of mention of BDSM but the author stresses that a willing partner is necessary and does not condone sexual assault. Sex is on the brain constantly but at least it's willing consensual sex.

There are moments that suggest that the book is more tongue in cheek than intentional. When the author boasts about all of the women he banged and has chapters like "Cougar Catching" and "Gigolo Guidance," this Reader wonders if maybe his sexual prowess is exaggerated or at the very least he is making light of those men who sincerely believe that they are the Gods' gift to women.

The Black Book Game Guidance is a definite bro/dude book made for straight guys to give each other in the locker room, frat house, or bachelor party. It's a limited appeal but for those who it is meant for, they might have a good time. 

The Official Black Book Black Index Vol. 1 by A Kingzman's Depiction

And we return to Bro/Dude Land for another look inside the mind of the sex obsessed straight male with this continuation of The Black Book Game Guidance.

This time the book goes in depth (if such a thing is possible for this sort of topic). This time the Author builds on his previous personal sexual history. He provides examples of previous experiences and rates them accordingly.

Since this is the first volume, there are only two women elaborated upon, KFC and Freaky Greek.

.

The dates could just as easily be found in Erotic fiction with plenty of dirty talk, bed jumping and little else. At the end of each chapter are charts that suggest that the Author knows more about his conquests than he is letting on like their zodiac signs and personalities.

 The tongue in cheek nature is present here as in its predecessor. As before, if you are a straight man who just wants sex, read this book. If you aren't, just roll your eyes and smirk, or ignore it entirely.