Said The Spider to the Fly by Findlay Ward; Moving, Honest, and Triumphant Contemporary Literature About Intergenerational Domestic Abuse

Said The Spider to the Fly by Findlay Ward; Moving, Honest, and Triumphant Contemporary Literature About Intergenerational Domestic Abuse

By Julie Sara Porter

Bookworm Reviews

Spoilers: Findlay Ward’s Said The Spider to the Fly covers a very important and very familiar topic for this blog: domestic abuse. In fact, this is the fifth book this month alone after A Cat's Cradle by Carly Rheilan, A Woman Like Maria by Gabriel Costans, Red Gifts in The Garden of Stones by P.A. Swanborough, and When Banana Stains Fade by Frances-Marie Coke deal with some form of abuse. (Other books about domestic violence this year include American Odyssey: Devil's Hand by B.F. Hess, I Was a Teenage Communist by JC Hopkins, Dancing in the Ring by Susan E. Sage, Freeze Frame by Rob Santana, Virtuous Women by Anna Goltz, How We Were Before by Jonathan Kravetz, Boy From Two Worlds by Jason Offutt, Tipani Walker and The Nightmare Knot by Jessica Crichton, Masters of the Star Machine by Joe Crawford, Somewhere East of Me by Samuel Vincent O'Keefe, Girl in a Smart Uniform by Gill James, The Peacock’s Heritage by Sasha Stephens, Journey of Souls by Rebecca Warner, and What Happened at the Abbey by Isobel Blackthorn). 

Domestic abuse is a very difficult thing to discuss and opens such raw emotion and trauma in a person's life. It also opens dialogue on this and other connected concerns such as problems within the legal system, the restrictions of gender roles, the negative aspects of marriage and divorce, the conspiracy of silence within certain occupations and communities, how religious views, social status, politics and economics play into the abuse and aftermath, and the psychological after effects of that trauma.

Said the Spider to the Fly is the kind of book that reveals how domestic violence can be felt through three generations of the same family by either tolerating abuse, becoming abused themselves, or being traumatized by such a situation in their past. 

After Rachael’s grandmother, Dorothy,  dies, she goes through her things, particularly her journal. Dorothy’s book recounts a traumatized childhood, marriage, vacations on Turtle Island, and a secret that the island possesses. Reading this account, causes Rachel to recognize the connections to her own unhappy relationship.

Said the Spider to the Fly weaves the past and present with similar themes. It shows Readers how abuse takes many forms, can still be experienced years even decades after the abuse ends, and has two interesting characters that represent separate generations and how they treat those conflicts.

Dorothy represents an older generation that grew up in a tempestuous toxic home life during the 50’s-60’s. Her father was a bad tempered violent man who hurt his wife and children. Dorothy became an expert in remaining silent, docile, and obedient to avoid her father's rages. Her older brother, Jimmy, took on an almost parental role by engaging Dorothy in various activities like fishing and hiking to keep her away from their father. Because of the time period, Dorothy’s mother was unable to leave or file for divorce, so they had to endure it.

Fortunately, Dorothy has a much happier marriage with her husband, Bob who is a kind empathetic loyal man with a corny sense of humor. (He told dad jokes before the phrase was coined.) Despite this, Dorothy can't quite shake the trauma of her childhood. She is anxious about her children's welfare and second guesses herself when her daughter, Lisa, starts seeing a man who sends red flag signals. 

Dorothy is a woman with PTSD and while her opinion about Lisa's boyfriend turns out to be true, she is also shown to be very anxious and hyper vigilant of the signs. It's natural to protect one’s younger relatives from the same trauma that had been faced before and Dorothy explores this.

Rachel represents the current generation. While she has more options about whether she can leave an unhealthy relationship, she chooses to stay with her partner, Bradley. The reason, that she stays with him is not because of society pressure but within her own mind, psychological pressure.

 Rachel at first doesn't recognize that Bradley is abusive. She reads about Dorothy's memories of beatings and slappings and other symptoms of physical abuse and thinks that it has nothing to do with her. Instead of being physical, Bradley mostly relies on verbal and psychological abuse. He belittles Rachel, acts condescending towards her opinions, makes fun of her when she makes a mistake, gaslights her, and leaves her feeling isolated, worthless, and dependent. This also is a similar pattern with her mother, Lisa, and Lisa’s husband. 

By the time Rachel recognizes Bradley's behavior, she is so beaten down by his words that she won't leave him. Not that she can't but that she won't. His manipulation and verbal abuse has worked to the point that he left her in a mental prison unable to see an escape.

This book goes out of its way to show that abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter if it's a punch, a purposely hateful word, an unwanted demand for sex, withheld money, it's still abuse. In fact verbal abuse is one of the hardest to prove and leaves long lasting mental and emotional scars. The fact that both Lisa and Rachel, mother and daughter become involved with similar men shows exactly how those scars are recycled.

While abuse is a frequent motif in this book, another is nature particularly that of Turtle Island. Turtle Island is a frequent setting in this book. It is the source of many happy memories that Dorothy experiences over the years with her family as they go on entertaining vacations. It is a source of joy but a source of pain as well. It is also where the Intergenerational tensions within Dorothy's family are resolved in violent ways.

Turtle Island has a strange hold on the people that visit it. The appearance of a raven and a mysterious boy suggest something supernatural but it is not overdone. Instead they are manifestations of the toxic home life that Dorothy, Lisa, and Rachel have to endure. 

The more that abuse is present within the people, the more nature adapts to it. The shouts, slaps, accusations, name callings, punches, lies, and isolation become fuel for something vengeful and violent that had long been buried but needed to be addressed.

Said The Spider to The Fly is a moving, honest, and complex book on how domestic abuse affects generations of families in a seemingly endless cycle but it is also triumphant when the cycle finally stops.